Saturday, December 24, 2005
Thanks Jeannettie for sharing this cartoon on your blog.
So far I've heard a lot of folks scoffing at the attempt to be politically correct this Christmas. Here's my point of view.........for the record. I hope my point of view will be taken as just that.......another point of view.
I will boldly say.............this issue seems very similiar to sexual harassment in the workplace. We all laugh and scoff at the extremes to which the issue has been taken. But the truth is that the issue arose for a reason. Someone felt they were treatly unfairly or disrespected. I'm thankful for these laws no matter how crazy they seem at times. It makes me more aware of those around me, and strive to act more respectfully. All I'm saying is that it seems to me that being more TOLERANT is a good thing.
Not a creature was stirring.....
except mommy at her laptop, with NO mouse
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
You can see a picture of them on my Flickr.......if go there
The child is nestled all snug in his bed,
FINALLY for gawwd’s sake, he was up until 11:14 ‘cause he’s got so much going on in his head.
I’m in my sweats and I have no idea what daddy’s wearin’,
‘Cause we’re happily divorced and we’re both happy to say that’s how it’s stayin’
I’m excited to say I’m sleeping in tomorrow because it’s the NIGHT BEFORE, the night before Christmas
But because I’m out of sight,
I will say to you now,
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Good Night
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
I LOVE my horoscope this week! There is NO down-side to this plan. Well........ except maybe sore stomach muscles and mascara running down my face.
Capricorn Horoscope for week of December 22, 2005
Happy Holy Daze, Capricorn! I've been meditating on the perfect holiday gifts for you. What items might inspire you to take maximum advantage of the cosmic currents in 2006? And the answer is: anything that makes you laugh harder, deeper, faster, and more often.
Monday, December 19, 2005
Sunday, December 18, 2005
There will never be another dog like Scooby. Never. Scooby had A LOT to say. Scooby passed away Dec 6th but her voice will be forever heard. She had a way of screaming like no other dog could rival but she had a silent voice that was very loud too.
"She taught me so many things", my nephew said to me. She taught us all. Amongst many important life lessons, she taught some of us to hide when we put our shoes on. he he. And never say anything that resembled W-A-L-K.
My nephew picked out Scooby at a shelter at Christmastime in '91 or '92. I remember the day I met her. I remember my nephew naming her Scooby Doobie Dingo Doogie. She was such a little thing and so darn cute.
Scooby had many, many adventures. (They'll be a book someday!). Sy Sy had to leave her behind with his mom many times as he grew and traveled but indeed he always came back for her. She amazed us all a year ago when she survived the plane trip to Hawaii and after a few tough days, she became more relaxed and at peace than ever before. Seems to me she was waiting for the day when he could bring her home.
It was Jan. of 2004 that I took her home with me. She was living at the ranch with my sister and brother-in-law. They loved her dearly but her propensity to herd the horses and the goats and "protect" them from other dogs made life very challenging. And then there was the screaming. So during a visit in '04 I justHAD to take her home with us. She went everywhere with me, including work. We W-A-L-K 'd every day and went to Petco for her favorite snack, which was in fact "greenies" not Scooby Snacks. She curled up in the smallest possible ball at the foot of my bed every night. She let my son taunt her with doggie toys and cover her with comforters and call her incessantly. (She understood the games of boys having been tortured....um I mean played with........ by my nephews.) I spoiled her and loved her and she was a great friend. But then there was the screaming. And so I, like others before me, took her back to the ranch. I lasted only six months but I will treasure every moment.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Sunday, December 11, 2005
Saturday: wake up at 10:45. Get breakfast and coffee before my son, aka "my personal trainer", starts in on me. 12:15 tell son I will play football with him in 15 minutes. 12:29 head across the street to the Jr High. Argue with him about HOW football players warm up. Power walk around the baseball bases while son runs around the bases and instructs me how many times we're going to do this and where the bases are. Stretch out. Throw the football back and forth. I am told HOW to throw the football. My hands start to hurt. I stop trying to catch it and chase after it when it bounces all over the place. Move to the soccer field. Tell my son I will NOT play a one on one game on the entire field. Kick the football over the top of the soccer goal. ........until my foot hurts. Beg my son to go home. Walk UP the hill on the various trails made by jr high schoolers who apparently don't want to walk ALL the way to the stairs. Need food. Return home at 2:30. Get on bicycles and ride to Subway. Scarf down low calorie food. Ride home...........the long way. Collapse onto couch.
Sunday: wake at 9:45. Eat and drink and watch TV. 12:45 call a friend. 12:50 "my personal trainer" starts in on me. Give him the don't-you-dare-talk-to-me-while-I'm-on-the-phone look, and put my index finger to my lips in the most threatening way possible. Continue doing that for the next 30 minutes. Say goodbye to my friend. Get dressed slowly. 1:30 head out on our bikes to the Jr. High. Ride down BIG hills and pretend we're hardcore off-road bicyclists. Ride around the track. Race around the track. Breathe hard. Beg to go home. Ride up and down more hills. Argue about how much time we've been riding. Stand, stretch, wait. 2:15 go home. Tell my son 45 minutes is a good amount of time for hard riding. Look at garage and decide I can't take one more second of it's state-of-disaster. Son goes to rest. Spend the next TWO hours moving shit around, throwing stuff away, opening up boxes, reading old letters and cards, and FINALLY sweeping a pathway through the garage. Shower! Start bath so I can sit in burning hot water to comfort my trembling muscles. Yell for Wayne to join me. Play football with action figures in bath with son and manage to get his hair washed. Get out, make one dinner for him and another one for me. Eat low calorie meal. Get out of Xmas tree decorating 'cause trunk is too big for stand. Set up train. Watch train go around and around. Watch son run around and around, racing the train. 9pm put son to bed. LOOK at clean laundry covering my bed and dirty laundry overflowing the hamper. Retreat to smoking lounge. Sit on comfy couch under feather blankie and turn on computer. Read emails, blogs, flickr. Blog.
Be THANKFUL my personal trainer is going to school tomorrow and I am NOT going anywhere. I think I'll skip the gym tomorrow.
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Well I didn't listen to the song; and still haven't but I will. I actually didn't need the song because I had already set the subconscious wheels in motion. My heart and soul needed OUT of my job and THUS IT WAS SO. I was *let go* of my job. OH MY.
At first I was shocked and saddened and frightened. I'm a bit of a pro at this but still.............it feels like getting thrown out of a moving vehicle. Your traveling along, chatting with your carpool buddies, listening to some tunes.......................and then YOUR NOT. You've hit the pavement and it stings a bit. But as always I stood up and dusted myself off and patched up my scrapes and took a look around. There's a big 'ole beautiful world going on outside that vehicle.
The song says:
It's a perfect day for letting go
And so I did.
I know I have surprised people when I am so happy after a life-changing event, like losing my job or getting divorced. It's not something I WORK at..............really. Truth is I thrive on change. Considering new possibilities (trying them on for size) is liberating and fun. And let's face it; sitting around in my pj's and having hours and hours to myself is just plain FABULOUS. I've been employed since my son started school (he started Kindergarten 3 months after I started my most recent employment) ,so for the first time in 8 years, I've got this HUGE space of time while he's in school ALL TO MYSELF.
I get to sleep in tomorrow 'cause my baby's daddy can take our son to school. Yipeee. But getting up early the last few days as been fine too 'cause all I had to do was get him ready for school and throw on some sweats. I even ventured to the gym...........twice............in my sweats. LOVE THAT.
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Capricorn Horoscope for week of December 1, 2005
You might want to listen to "Doing the Unstuck," a song by The Cure. It could prod you to do what you know you should, which is expel yourself forcibly from the rut you're lodged in. "It's a perfect day for letting go/ for setting fire to bridges," the lyrics advise, "for rip-zipping and button-popping/ for dancing like you can't hear the beat." Maybe some of you are protesting, "But I want to use logic to think my way out of this jam." Here's what I have to say in response: You probably won't get unstuck with your rational mind alone, which is why you should do irrationally constructive things like singing liberation songs very loudly.
Sunday, November 27, 2005
They bought the ranch next door to my sister's this summer. They came over for a visit this weekend. My dad and son and I were the only one's there with my sis and her hubby and we had a very casual, low-key tour of the ranch. I had a major cold and a need-to-wash-my-hair look. But what the hell; I didn't take out my camera on purpose and certainly didn't want a picture of myself.
I have no idea what we talked about. I think we discussed the beautiful weather. Basically we followed my sister and Portia around while they talked about horses.
Then we met my sister's new horse, Bridget. I was quite taken with her. Ellen put out her hands so I could get on her but I didn't. Why? I dunno. It didn't seem like a good idea since we didn't have a halter or bridal. I did however ride her the next day............with a bridal and stirups and all that good stuff that enables you to stay ON a horse.
This horse is quite stunning! She's part Belgian Draft and part Persheron Draft; which means she's a big gal. And yet she's the most feminine horse I've ever met, with long red eyelashes and a fluffy blonde mane. Or maybe it's the way she seems to talk in a whisper.
Monday, November 21, 2005
with a cinnamon girl
I could be happy
the rest of my life
With a cinnamon girl.
A dreamer of pictures
I run in the night
You see us together,
chasing the moonlight,
My cinnamon girl.
Ten silver saxes,
a bass with a bow
The drummer relaxes
and waits between shows
For his cinnamon girl.
A dreamer of pictures
I run in the night
You see us together,
chasing the moonlight,
My cinnamon girl.
Pa sent me money now
I'm gonna make it somehow
I need another chance
You see your baby loves to dance
Monday, November 07, 2005
My friend called me today to tell me that her heart was broken by her lover. Another person close to me emailed me and said "I will not be his sex toy while he looks for a broodmare".
My first thought, RELATIONSHIPS SUCK. Does that comfort me knowing I'm single? Does it make me feel justified for being single? Unfortunately NO, it really doesn't. Am I cynical? YES, I must admit I am. (I MUST admit, I tell you).
Here's my summary of the love relationship (whether you wanted to hear my version or not).
Phase I----------the meeting, the sideways glances, the oh-he's-cute, the I-wonder-if-he-likes-me, the oh-i-think-he-likes-me tingle/thrill/ phase
Phase II ---------the friendship/hot s-e-x/getting-to-know-you phase
Phase III --------the comfortable, from I to WE, i-know-you-so-well phase
Phase IV--------inane conversations like this one on Dooce today or Dooce a few months ago
At this point, people either stay in some sort of Phase II - Phase IV pattern .......depending on the day. OR someone wants out and there is heartbreak.
And cynical or not, am I writing my personals ad for Craigslist? ABSOLUTELY.
"Hey, are you posting to Craigslist again?", asks my co-worker (um......I mean friend. Can I get dooced for mentioning my coworkers in my blog?)
Umm............no that wasn't me; I'm not 32.
And NO this wasn't me either.
I'm not 26 either.
Sunday, November 06, 2005
Great performances by Meryl Streep, Uma Thurman, & yummy Bryan Greenberg.
Movies seen this year: 87
Books read this year: 14
I've always wanted to keep track of this shit! I've never done it and it gives me a little thrill to have finally done it. Call me weird!
I actually created a SPREADSHEET with the Title, Author, & description for every book I've read this year. Call me a geek!
Mostly I read whatever Top 10 book that looks interesting and/or entertaining.
I read a little bit EVERY night before I go to sleep so I don't go thru them quickly, but I CAN'T go to sleep without my fix!!!
The movies have been more difficult to keep track of 'cause I forget quickly but Blockbuster Online helps me. My 2 X's (from 18-24 & 25-35 yrs old) have great memories for that kind of stuff and I totally relied on their memory as my own. Now I keep a spreadsheet!
The crazy thing is that the longer I crunch numbers for a living, the less I do it at home. I struggle to get my bills paid on time and I've totally given up on keeping my paperwork organized; I've got piles in every corner of my homestead.
Last 10 movies:
In Her Shoes
Assasination of Nixon
Everlasting Secret Family
After the Sunset
Last 5 books:
Kill & Tell
And let us not forget MUSIC...................
Songs on my iPod: 1099
Last 5 downloads:
Santana - All That I Am
Sheryl Crow - Wildflower
Talking Heads - More Songs About Buildings & Food
Alicia Keys - Unplugged
Chris Isaak - Always Got Tonight
Thursday, October 27, 2005
"I couldn't stand that; I need a woman who can watch a good movie all the way through", he said.
"Well we know that's not a problem for me", I said giggling.
"Hell no. You can sit still for so long, I have to check your pulse", he said.
Unfortunately I couldn't ask for a full explanation since my mouth was wired open and saliva was pooled in my throat (you don't want to swallow when you've got drills and needles in your mouth).
The shot(s) are the painful part and then it's just uncomfortable. I got a big 'ole shot in the roof of my mouth and it shot up through my sinus's; now that STUNG. I was so damn numb it didn't wear off until 5 hrs later. The good news is that I was numb.
After the drilling and poking and prodding comes the cleaning out of the root canal. What a crazy procedure. It must have been invented by a very sick, angry person. Who in the hell would have thought to jab tiny, tiny saw-like needles up the nerve canal..........up and down and up and down???
For those you've not had a root canal, there may be some women (& some men) that have had this experience-------------snort cocaine and have the kind of sex where your head is pounding on the headboard and you know you won't be having the BIG O. The sound is the same too.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
This was me today...........at home.........on my couch.
My goal is to SLOW DOWN. Smell a few flowers.
I worked really hard today NOT to turn on my computer, or call friends and gab for hours.
As I struggled today with the "how to" slow-down dilemna, I had an image of a bicyclist stopped at a red light, doing that thing where they keep their balance, without putting a foot down. It's that balance thing!
What a great metaphor for life. It's so much easier to ride fast. Ya' don't have to "balance" yourself.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Congrats to our little Kai man and his parents, Tim and Lee Lee.
We done good! We raised over $7000 at the fundraising BBQ last Sunday at Santa Margarita Park.
Kudos to our friend, Mary, for pushing us through this we-have-no-idea-what-the hell-we're-doing fundraising thing. And then kudos to Dana for taking charge. So many people volunteered and the stuff donated for the silent auction was spectacular.
I bid and won the Tony Hawke Skateboard, signed by the man himself. My son was over-the-top.
I must say that although I've heard about the generosity of the Santa Margarita people, but they were amazingly giving....................and then giving more.
Kai was a rock star at the party! What a trooper. He's getting steadier on his feet every day and had a "tumor and cancer free" report a few weeks ago! His daddy looked remarkably sane considering he's become a stay-at-home dad. No easy feat with a 3 yr old under the best of circumstances. Kai and his parents are a great example of the strength of human nature!
Monday, October 17, 2005
And I had a great gang of friends who came to party with me.
The party reminded me of my wedding 'cause I spent so much time prepping and then had so many peops to talk to. I was going a zillion directions at once; I didn't even finish one glass of wine.
It was great to have so many X-WA-ers; just wish I coulda' visited more.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
I have the opening song stuck in my head.
LITTLE BOXES (Words and music by Malvina Reynolds)
Little boxes on the hillside,
Little boxes made of ticky tacky
Little boxes on the hillside,
Little boxes all the same,
There's a green one and a pink one
And a blue one and a yellow one
And they're all made out of ticky tacky
And they all look just the same.
And the people in the houses
All went to the university
Where they were put in boxes
And they came out all the same
And there's doctors and lawyers
And business executives
And they're all made out of ticky tacky
And they all look just the same.
It's been a few months since I've had a cleaning lady and my house was DISGUSTING. When I say disgusting I mean that when I walked barefoot in my son's room the other day, I felt at least 4 unknown substances in the carpet.
I've had many cleaning ladies over the years and the one bummer is that you can't always find your stuff. It gets put somewhere different. My new "cleaning angel" not only put moved the clutter but she rearranged furniture!!! And ya know what? I don't care. So far I have found everything I was looking for in a nearby location . I actually like the way she rearranged my bedroom.
I do however need to explain to her that she can't shut off my cable box 'cause then my TIVO doesn't record. So I missed a day of soaps and I spent $100 today, but the removal of germs and dustbunnies and sticky stuff on the carpet, is soooooooo worth the price!!!!!!!!
Sunday, October 09, 2005
This sweet little boy is a cancer survivor at 3 1/2 years old!! He had a brain tumor removed in July and then endured 6+ weeks of radiation at the Children's Hospital at Stanford.
I created a blog to share info. with his friends and family and to raise money for the huge costs of medical treatments.
On October 23, we're having a Benefit BBQ at the Santa Margarita Park, just blocks from his house. We're got Tim Jackson playing music and a silent auction. It's been a big undertaking but I hope will be fun and successful.
Saturday, October 08, 2005
In his poem "Jerusalem, Easter," Stanley Moss writes,
"On this bright Easter morning
smelling of Arab bread,
what if God simply changed his mind
and called out into the city,
'Thou shalt not kill,' and, like an angry father, 'I will not say it another time!'
They are praying too much in Jerusalem . . ."
With this as your inspiration, Capricorn, I'd like you to meditate on two themes:
1) What crucial message do you keep getting from God or life but continue to ignore?
2) Is there a certain ideal you say you believe in but sometimes neglect to carry out in your day-to-day encounters?
Those are some heavy questions to ponder. I read Brezny every week in the New Times. This week's is particularly good!
Thursday, October 06, 2005
First, I must say that I'm so very relieved that my son is actually sounding out words by himself and not throwing the book across the room in frustration when he can't read every word perfectly. And because of this amazing new skill of his, I'm listening to him read in more of a read-me-a-story-and-I'll-fall-asleep kind of way.
So tonight Wayne's reading and I'm relaxing and one of the Lego characters says "I can't believe my ears" to which he mutters...... AS IF LEGO'S HAVE EARS. I found this hilariously funny and I laughed and then he laughed and then we laughed together. He has this great new laugh that is childlike and sweet and innocent. I find this totally delightful because my child isn't often childlike and sweet and innocent.
These are the moments that make me think "I will not strangle him today" and "I will not pack my bags and run away from home".
Saturday, October 01, 2005
You would think after so many years of this behavior, I wouldn't be surprised when my son plays with my always-expensive hair products. I often say my son is a "funny little guy" but what I mean by that is that he is often unexplainable, odd, & downright weird.
At perhaps the age of 2 or so, he started emptying mass amounts of not only my hair products, but his own shampoo & bubble bath, into his bath. I started taking all the stuff out of the bathtub before he got in but he figured out he could get out to rummage the bathroom for fun, yummy smelling stuff. He has explored many options over the years; recently he found it fun to spray the air freshener all over the mirror.
Here's the thing. This is an expensive and messy behavior. I don't clean my house much as it is so cleaning up unneccessary messes is SO out of the question.
I punish him. I make him give me money from his piggy bank. I make him get out of the bathtub early. I make him go to bed early. I lecture him. I talk incessantly about my frustration. And the thing with punishing him is that it usually punishes me too. Taking away TV or toys or hog-tying him to his bed makes MY life more difficult. Yes, that sounds stupid.
Of course parenthood is difficult and takes time and energy and is a full-time, thankless job. I knew that or so I thought! What I didn't understand is that there ARE NO words to actually describe parenthood.
And to think I actually applied for this job. I signed up for it. I signed the contract. I "prepared" for it. I studied for it.
Note To Self: tell future parents that there are no preparations, no books, no words that adequately describe parenthood. It's a learn-as-you-go job.
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
So the fact that my blog has been giving me grief is so trivial and yet I bitch.
First the navigation bar wasn't working right for weeks and it bugged me so much that I didn't write anything. Thank gawwwd Jess fixed it this week. You'd think I'd have found someone at work to fix it but alas it was a friend I haven't talked to in about 16 years.
Then I tried to upload a picture (3 times) to this blogentry but there is an error. Buggers.
Oh well. My flickr account is updated and re-organized (I upgraded to Pro). Plus I just figured out how to add a hyperlink.
And my car works! Yippeeee.
It was a great dream. Very hot! Lots of forbidden intimacy. I can't tell you anymore because then I wouldn't be able to look you in the eye either.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
For most of the first two years at my work there was less than 10 women. Now we have 20!!
Other than two other women who has come and gone a few times over the past 5 years, I've been at WA longer than any of us.
And only 5 of us are in Mktg/Actg/HR/Admin jobs. The rest are "billable"!!
I salute the women who came before me at WA!! This is a victory for all of us.
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
I'll find my way home
Very appropriate. There are amazingly positive things happening as a result of Katrina but it won't bring back the lives lost; the horrors experienced. Do we ALWAYS have to learn the hardway?!
One of the many scary things I've read lately are the Rants & Raves on SLO's Craigslist. There are actual human beings that say awful , stupid things about the victim's of Katrina. Can people really be that judgmental? I can totally understand why people were looting and shooting and crying and feeling sorry for themselves. But I can't understand why people think they can judge others.
The movie Crash should be required watching for every human being.
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Gas prices?! Umm...........I thought we were fighting for oil...........or was it revenge.........I keep forgetting.
165 mph winds?! N'Orleans destroyed?! American's dying because of winds and water we knew was coming?! WTF?!
How much money have we spent in the Middle East and how many lives lost?! WTF?!
23 fatal auto accidents in SLO County this summer?! WTF?! Most of them because people were trying to do something while driving, OTHER than driving.
This year we've had a car-jacking at son's school, a bank robbery at the bank two blocks from house, and an old man beaten to death by teenage boys with their skateboards, while minding his own business in his home. WTF?!
This summer I know of 3 very young boys that had brain tumors. WTF?!
Unexplainable. Really. All of it.
Sunday, August 28, 2005
Oh I remember something else I got at Wallys; an US magazine. Supposedly Rob Thomas said "I am so not a guy. ..........I don't know anything about cars. ..........I can pick out a Kate Spade bag no problem." Um.......Rob.......you are SO a guy, and a HOT one. I saw you in concert and found you even sexier than I previously thought. And I've never gotten all tingly about anyone who isn't a guy. So there's your proof. I have no idea what a Kate Spake bag is and I am SO a girl.
In other US news; isn't Britney looking fat?! Hellooooooo. Personally I'm glad she looks fat because that's what you're supposed to look like when your pregnant. Right? I know I did and had a damn good time in the process!
I must spend a moment ranting about school starting in August; WTF?! I read Dave Barry's column entitled School on Aug. 8? Are they insane? "and I AGREE. We, as citizens of the USA, have taken a seriously wrong turn with education. Parents blaming teachers, teachers blaming parents, legislators blaming parents, teachers, and the school system. I'd like to blame the legislators. It must be their fault that my 3rd grader (in 2 days) will be pushed beyond reason to prepare for 2 weeks of testing in the Spring. Although I feel sorry for the kids and the parents (myself included), mostly I feel bad for the teachers. They're the one's who have to push our kids to learn multiplication and division in 2nd grade. I'm so looking forward to dragging my son's ass out of bed on Tuesday to throw him into 3rd grade! Uggghhhhhh
Did I say I spent $300 at Walmart????
Saturday, August 27, 2005
Did you know that KEDS ARE HOT? I just thought they were comfy and cute but a friend of mine set me straight. Said friend was enjoying a festive atmosphere of drinking and laughing and socializing when a guy approached her and said, "KEDS ARE HOT". Thus it was so.
Every week my friend, who is also a coworker, and I will see each other and stick our feet out and declare, KEDS ARE HOT.
Always remember and don't ever forget.
Monday, August 22, 2005
I'm totally "in love" with my new camera. I've been wanting and waiting and wanting a digital camera. Yes.....I was still using film. But I didn't want just any digital camera; I wanted a GOOD one.
I'm carrying it everywhere (it fits in my pocket) and taking pics of everything. I'm sure I'll be constantly uploading pics to Flickr. Guess I'll have to pay for the super-duper Flickr account so I can have more folders and stuff.
Wish us well.........................my camera and I!
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Behold. Prom Barbie!! Saturday night I was at a Prom party. That would be a party with a "theme". Done by my favorite party crowd. See previous entries called "Alien Girls" in March.
Everyone was dressed so fabulously, as expected; some women in serious evening gowns and some in bridesmaid dresses dragged from the far reaches of closets.
At first I had an image of myself in an 80's punk outfit; pink taffeta and black combat boots. But somehow I turned into Prom Barbie!! Morgan took me shopping and I found this sweet little pink dress that screamed for Barbie shoes and a tiara.
Friday, August 12, 2005
THANK GAWWD IT'S F&#@ING FRIDAY
OK. I am especially glad it's Friday night. Focusing and concentrating are no longer possible verbs in my vocabulary.
I cried A LOT this week. Here's my week in review:
Mon: watched the SERIES FINALE of Queer as Folk (QAF) .
I cried and cried. It was so sad to say goodbye to 5 years of relationships with these characters. And of course they had a special interview session with the actors and THEY were crying. To tell you the truth I was not happy with the ending of Brian and Justin. Brian had "grown a heart" just 2 episodes earlier and after all that he was left alone. How sad is that??!!
5 years! That's a long time. I watched almost EVERY episode in real time (or at least TiVo'd). QAF started at the same time I got divorced. The last 5 years has been mostly a solitary journey and QAF was a part of that journey.
Tues: watched what I thought was the SERIES FINALE of Six Feet Under. One of the main characters dies and much crying ensued. Thanks Clay for getting my hooked on this amazing show, and thanks for letting me know there are 2 more episodes. Whew..........
Wed: late night IM with Clay. For no reason in particular, our common walk down memory turned suddenly into a sad journey for me. Lost LOVE. FIRST LOVE. YOUNG LOVE. Can never be rerun. There is no "special DVD box set". And even if there was, it'll never be like the first time. That heavenly feeling of blinding passion. And while my heavily grounded common sense personality look a vacation, I walked along a lonely road. Looking back. Looking forward to a landscape with no fireworks, no heavenly light. Where is it? Where is he? How will I find him? And although I spent the next day working and laughing and smiling, I continued to walk with a heavy heart.
It's midnight on Friday night now (just "purned into a tumpkin"). For the most part, I've regained my senses. I wouldn't want to go back to being 18 or any other age because I like being 40. And I like being single. I just want that blinding passion. Once and awhile. Just that. But not all the other crap that comes with relationships. And sometimes I must mourn the loss of my first love, and although not comparable in scale, I will mourn the loss of ground-breaking shows like QAF and SFU.
But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free
No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings
Like i do
And i blame you
No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Teddy was the only other senior 'cause Anacapa has just started and most of the students came from SB's Middle School and were in younger grades. So me n Ted were the FIRST graduating class. Kinda cool, huh!!
My amazing experience at Anacapa was because it was a small, start-up school and because the Headmaster and his wife, Suzi, were 35 yr old hippies, and because he taught me world history (we learned a ton about Ghandi and others that were never part of any history I'd had before) and she taught yoga and art history, and we went on trips to Yosemite and Figeuroa Mtn. and spent the last week at Catalina.........all camping of course. We actually did a ton of schoolwork too. They guilted me into taking more French and Algebra, Ughhh.
We've had reunions over the years so it's been maybe 5-10 yrs since I've seen most of them. We had a beautiful dinner at 1129 State (whatever restuarant is there now). A lovely evening and a I'm-so-lucky-to-know-these-people kind of night!!!!
BTW, I'm sorry I haven't written in so long; there's no excuse. I read other blogs, like dooce.com and other favorites and I'm totally sad if there aren't new entries. Oh well, I probably don't have much of an audience 'cept myself so it's redundant to beat myself up.
Monday, July 25, 2005
Christopher sent me this link today. I was LOL for a REALLY long time. That kind of laughing that is abrupt and loud and your stomach hurts afterwards. Comic relief AND a stomach exercise; can't beat that!
You might not find it as hilarious as I did. You might not have an X that is an Apple fanatic and likes to tell you everything that is wrong with your computer is because it's NOT an Apple. You might not think relationships are ridiculously hard (hard I tell you), and are NEVER what they first appear to be. This video is a parody of my x-marriage. No kidding.
It has occurred to me lately that my relationship with my job is like a marriage. If you're in it for the long-haul, you have a different set of expectations. And if you didn't know this already, LIFE IS ALL ABOUT EXPECTATIONS!! The ups, downs, communication challenges, being in love, wanting to be loved, liked, whatever, is the same at work as it is in any relationship. I'm setting a record for the longest-running job I've ever had; 3 yrs and counting. It's HARD I tell you.
Back to EXPECTATIONS again. Try this little exercise: when you're feeling pissed off or happy or any emotion, THINK.............how do expections affect my attitude or feeling?? It's ALL about EXPECTA.........................oh you know what I'm saying!
Sunday, July 17, 2005
I finally scrapbooked last week. First time in 9 months. I feel soooooo far behind but now I guess I'm like everyone else I know. (It's always comforting to know that others are more flaky than me).
I had quite the busy weekend although I'm not at all ready for Monday!!
Friday night was a crazy night that started at the Concerts in the Plaza listening to JnD, then dinner & drinks at Firestone with a friend, then ran into another friend and went for more drinks at Blue which has turned into a jazz super club, THEN the topper was The Graduate for Latino night. Who can say they danced to 3 totally different types of music at 3 totally different places in ONE night?!
I slept in Saturday and finally took my kid out at 3pm. I took him to Boomers where we played two rounds of miniature golf and did the go-karts. OMG. Then went to Tawna's and hung out and watched Willy Wonka. Good to see the original again. Can't wait to see the re-make.
Today was the usual Sunday; slept in, rode bikes, watched a lot of TV, & finally started laundry at 10pm. Glad we went to our friend's apt. for hanging out. I can't tell you how much I enjoy good female gabbing!!
It's almost midnight; time to "purn into a tumpkin".
Sunday, July 03, 2005
Dooce is written by a woman named Heather (for gawwwd's sake) that was fired in 2001 for writing about her co-workers and company in a negative way.
The tone of those weblogs were actually humorous in a Dilbert-esc kind of way and didn't mention any names. She was a web designer in LA at the time.
She continues to blog about her daily life as a stay-at-home mom living in Utah but still has the same wicked, sarcastic sense of humor which I adore so much. YOU GO GIRL.
A good blog like this (and my all time favorite http://emdot.blogspot.com/ ) is great reading because it's like a good book or even better yet ..... a good soap; a continuing saga of characters you become completely engrossed and engulfed by. GO BLOGGERS!
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
A friend called me tonight with scary news about our friend's 3 1/2 yr son, Kai. He had an MRI today and has a mass in his head and they're rushing to Stanford tonight in an ambulance. Don't know anything else.
Got new windows put in my house today and there is probably water damage to the inside that needs to be fixed. Lots more money.
Major construction going on at my office. Constant moving. Paint and glue fumes. Headache. Be flexible.
Spent the weekend with my Dad. I made him sell his 40 yr biz last year. I need to help him not be a sad old man. He got his drivers license renewed but he can't see or hear well and falls asleep. I have much work to do.
Thinking of my friend Lee Lee.
Didn't leave a check for my cleaning lady again so she didn't clean my house and didn't call. I will need to find a new cleaning lady.
Probably wrote too harsh an email to my coworker Christopher today. I adore him; why did I do that?! I wanted to push blame elsewhere.
Don't sweat the small stuff; fault, clean houses, fixing windows.
I made my asst., Kindra, so happy today that she welled up with tears.
I will feel better soon. I started taking more Zoloft again. Wellbutrin didn't cut it. I told Kurt to hang in there; I'd be better soon. I almost forgot what it felt like: frustrated, heavy, angry, never happy for long enough.
I will feel better soon. I know Kai will be OK. He has to be. I don't pray; don't believe in g-o-d, but I will think good strong thoughts.
Saturday, June 25, 2005
He's been at my sister's most of the last 8 days and I must say that I MISS HIM! AND what a fabulous life he has and a generous uncle and auntie.
Monday, June 20, 2005
Sunday, June 12, 2005
The movie CRASH is:
a must see
about human nature
about "first impressions"
about the good and evil in every human being
You never know.............about people, about when and where and how your lives will intertwine.
Those are all the things that I am thinking about as I continue to feel the movie in the hours since seeing it. And yet the first thing I said when the movie was over is........."ohhhh the soundtrack is going to be great".
So I looked up the soundtrack for CRASH on iTunes and most of it is by a New Age artist named Mark Isham. His name doesn't sound familiar although I LOVE new age music. And so I purchased it and I am listening to it right now. And while on iTunes and discovered that Mark Isham did the music for the movie A River Runs Through It, Life As A House, Blade, & Last Dance. Amazing.
And then I looked at the soundtrack for Mystic River and discovered that Clint Eastwood is the musical artist. And he did the soundtrack for Million Dollar Baby. Who knew?!
And then I looked up music by Robbie Robertson because Marya can't say enough good things about him on her blog. He's Native American. I think I found his name when looking up Native American musicians with my friend Teri last month. Teri was on her way to Seattle to hook up with a group of Native American musicians. While Teri was visiting me I read her parts of Marya's blog and told her that if we had time I would have introduced them because I think they'd "click", (not knowing, of course, that they could talk about this common musical interest). And all the while reading on Marya's blog about recent re-connection with a high school buddy, at the SAME time having a similiar re-connection with Teri.
The .......evidence........that we are all inter-connected keeps building and building...........not just because I live in a small town. The UNIVERSE seems to be a small place, doesn't it????
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
I should write more about him to help remember all the little things that I'll forget someday. Motherhood is full of I shoulds............I should be more consistent, I should spend more time at his school, I should put him to bed earlier, I should limit his TV time, I should put more limits on him, I should cuss less, yell less, nag less, repeat myself less........
Motherhood is an amazing way to get to know yourself. All relationships with children, whether you're their parent, friend, family, honorary family, or next door neighbor, give you the opportunity to be so influential.
During my childhood I had many many adults that left an impression on my soul and will be apart of me forever. What a gift and isn't it great that this is true for every human being on the earth!
Thursday, May 26, 2005
My trip to Hawaii last week was short but SWEET!
How cool to take photos under water! I will likely never be a diver (my ears are still unhappy about 2 days of snorkeling) but snorkeling is awesome! The quiet of being under water; flowing with the tides; listening to your own breath.. is very meditative.
Sunday, May 22, 2005
At 14, Teri walked into the private school where I was "imprisoned" and I knew we were kindred spirits. She was wild and outrageous, and her hair was big and frizzy, for gawwd's sake!
We were WILD WILD girls. We were all grown up back then. We put on a good show, we did.
Saturday, May 21, 2005
My dear old friend, Teri, showed up at my doorstep last month, and although almost 20 years had passed since we'd seen each other, we're still the same really.
We stayed up long into the night for a week talking and smoking and talking and smoking. We both just turned 40, a great turning point, a crossroads, a time to look back and a time to move forward. There have been husbands and children and homes and jobs, and we're still girls who just wanna have fun!
Teri has great stories that entertained me for hours. She's a musician, a music producer, a Scientologist, an activist, and still a free spirit. She's lived and worked with famous and not-so-famous musicians in England, Europe, and Africa, and is now back in the LA scene. Welcome back my friend!
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
That's me in the blue hair (and blue eyelashes)! It was yet another costume party by a group of friends I've been hangin' with lately. They have welcomed me into their amazing group of wild, interesting, and closeknit friends.
Dorene, the one with purple steaked hair on the right, and I worked together 10 yrs ago and was my masseuse for years. She recommended Morgan, top left with pink hair, for a job at my company last year. Morgan became my admin and my friend, and although she has moved on to another job, she will continue to be friend always. And she brought 3 more friends to the company I work for. Dorene in her late 40's and Morgan in her early 20's are great friends. They amaze and inspire me.
Thursday, April 28, 2005
I had a great Spring break with my best friends, Leslie & Linnea. I hadn't seen them in over a year which I think is the longest time we've gone in our 24 years of friendship! I'm not sure how either of those things happen; friendships that last 1/4 century and long lapses between visits.
I'm LOVIN' my new car; my sweet light green Toyota Rav. I will take a pic soon of me hugging my new friend (I swear it feels like a new friend).
I count my blessings; I enjoyed 6 weeks of free massages, I've got a good supply of painkillers which I may or may not ever use, and I got paid bluebook on my Saturn. Many, many blessings.
Monday, March 21, 2005
I have finally made my plane reservations to go to Hawaii in May to see my nephew, Sy, graduate from the Univ. of Hawaii in Hilo. Yipppeeee!
I took this picture of Sy at my sister's place in Santa Ynez. My sweet, amazing child is watching his cousin in awe! Sy is just as this picture depicts him; wild, brave, seemingly carefree, and ever the Aquarian!
Before Wayne was my baby, Sy Sy was my "baby". I was 15 yrs old when my sister divorced and moved in with my dad and I, with 3 month old Sy Sy and 3 year old Jake. What a special gift that was to have these beautiful boys be such good life teachers!
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
A drunk driver smashed into the car behind me, and that car smashed into me, and I smashed into the Uhaul truck in front of me!!!
It was slow motion and then I heard Tawna calling my name through my cell and I reached around until I found it and said "you won't believe it, I'm in a car accident" or some such thing. What I do remember is that the front of my car was wedged into the back of this Uhaul truck.
My car is probably totaled (still waiting for the insurance assessment). What's left of my car sits in my driveway as a reminder of that crazy moment when my life changed (not sure how much at this point). As expected my neck started hurting the next day.
The OTHER crazy thing that happened on Monday (and the reason I was driving home at 3pm) was that I had an awful experience at work. I was blindsided in a meeting with what felt like a ROAST, an attack of testoterone flung at me. Men communicate so very differently than women, but knowing that somehow didn't help me from crying (a women's more natural way of expressing hurt and anger).
ALL OF THIS has led me to reflection..
about life and how I fit into it.
We all LOOK BACK but looking forward and being able to "go with the flow" is perhaps the BEST way to be prepared. I think I was tensed up and fearful when I went into that meeting at work, but that drunk driver came out of nowhere and being a ragdoll helped protect me from more harm.
BE A RAGDOLL is a visual I will conjure up the next time I am tense and bracing myself for the worst.
And always BE THANKFUL!!!!!!
Sunday, February 20, 2005
MUSIC IS FOOD FOR MY SOUL; absolutely necessary and when it's good, YUM YUM!!
Thursday, February 17, 2005
In the mid-80's I went to whatever concert or bar they were playing. George Thorogood would show up and play with them for hours. I've seen them play with Bonnie Raitt and Jackson Browne.
Check 'em out at: http://www.bassharp.com/tomball.htm
They're involved with a huge fundraiser on March 4th for the owners of Folk Mote Music in SB whose house was buried the La Conchita mudslides.
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
Sunday, January 30, 2005
IMAGINATION. Creativity. Believing..........in fairies, in flight, in magic
I will never see Peter Pan the same. I now see that sweet, blue-eyed, face of Freddie Highmore. His pain and his struggle to BELIEVE in magic. How can a child believe in magic when he's experienced the death of his parent at such a young age.
I was 12 when my mother died of leukimia. I don't know when I stopped believing in MAGIC but it was definitely before my mother died. I stopped believing in Santa when I was 5, and at 12 I was already the practical, "grounded", person I am today! I didn't have James Barrie to challenge my beliefs. Or perhaps I did; my mom's best friend who became my second-mom, somehow allowed me to be a child like only a mother can. And that was not an easy task; I sure was stubborn just like Peter.
And yet, in my DREAMS, I flew. I've had the flying dreams since I can remember. (One of my all-time FAVORITE books is my PETER PAN book, it's a bit torn up now but still with me.)
In my dreams, I'm flapping my arms with all my strength to rise off the floor, if I was inside the house (just like Wendy, Peter, & John). But when I was outside I could fly with the wind. It's scary and exhilarating. See how HIGH I can go?! Oh...no, be careful of the telephone wires and the buildings. The wind can be so strong; you must navigate carefully. I've always loved my flying dreams. I haven't had one for awhile. Perhaps tonight!
Monday, January 17, 2005
I was reading Marya's blog today and nodding my head and commenting out loud to myself (and to her) as I often do. http://emdot.blogspot.com/
She had a quote from Dr. King that I will add here as well:
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."
I don't know how many others fantasize about Marching in protest against the horrific wars that our country has always and will continue to wage on the world, but I do.....................
The absurd behavior of the US govt since 9/11 continues to disgust me. The US govt/war machine is the worst kind of school yard bully.
My attempts, although seemingly worthy, to make the world a better place is too small and I know it. I vote and it's not enough. To my fellow Americans who voted for Bush, I don't know who the hell you are and believe you have all lost your mind.
Each day I do my best. I mean that. Somedays my best is very good but it's the best I can do on that particular day. I do unto others as I'd like them to do unto me.
Friday night, my son and I are in the bathtub. He says "you owe me". "Why?", I ask. "Mrs. D gave me 3 video's of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and I gave one to Nic". I smile. I ask him why I owe him (but I already know the answer). He says, "I was nice to Nic and you like it when I'm nice". I laugh. "Yes", I tell him, "I LOVE it when you're nice". Then he says, "Mommy, you're always nice to people".
Teaching compassion to my son has been and will continue to be one of my main goals and challenges. He doesn't seem to have much empathy for others and does not connect with people the way I do. It disturbs me and frustrates me. But at that moment in the bathtub, I felt GLORIOUS and so accomplished!!!
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