Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Life keeps going

my drive to work today
Originally uploaded by emdot.
Listening to soundtrack from Crash; meditating, heavy, reflecting.

A friend called me tonight with scary news about our friend's 3 1/2 yr son, Kai. He had an MRI today and has a mass in his head and they're rushing to Stanford tonight in an ambulance. Don't know anything else.

Got new windows put in my house today and there is probably water damage to the inside that needs to be fixed. Lots more money.

Major construction going on at my office. Constant moving. Paint and glue fumes. Headache. Be flexible.

Spent the weekend with my Dad. I made him sell his 40 yr biz last year. I need to help him not be a sad old man. He got his drivers license renewed but he can't see or hear well and falls asleep. I have much work to do.

Thinking of my friend Lee Lee.

Didn't leave a check for my cleaning lady again so she didn't clean my house and didn't call. I will need to find a new cleaning lady.

Probably wrote too harsh an email to my coworker Christopher today. I adore him; why did I do that?! I wanted to push blame elsewhere.

Don't sweat the small stuff; fault, clean houses, fixing windows.

I made my asst., Kindra, so happy today that she welled up with tears.

I will feel better soon. I started taking more Zoloft again. Wellbutrin didn't cut it. I told Kurt to hang in there; I'd be better soon. I almost forgot what it felt like: frustrated, heavy, angry, never happy for long enough.

I will feel better soon. I know Kai will be OK. He has to be. I don't pray; don't believe in g-o-d, but I will think good strong thoughts.

Saturday, June 25, 2005

My son jumps in!!!!

Wayne jumping in pool
Originally uploaded by Heather's Shot.
My son is an amazingly complicated brilliant child. You absolutely never know what he'll do next. Last week he would barely have ventured into a pool and this week he's jumping in!!!
He's been at my sister's most of the last 8 days and I must say that I MISS HIM! AND what a fabulous life he has and a generous uncle and auntie.

Monday, June 20, 2005

Live Oak

Live Oak
Originally uploaded by Heather's Shot.
Of course Live Oak was great! Of course I saw many people I expected to and many I didn't. Of course Joose was FABULOUS! Of course there was music I would never have listened to otherwise. Of course there were all kinds of beatiful people. Of course Marya and Dorene were there and they know each other. Of course Stu does their website and his band, Molly's Revenge, played. Of course campsites were decorated in an unbelievably creative way. Of course Lee and I had FUN and were great camp-mates. Of course we relaxed, drank, napped, and danced! And of course we thought of many friends who would have had a great time with us. Of course this will be an annual event for us.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

1 Degree of Separation

There's only ONE degree of separation left. I've been saying that a lot lately! I saw a movie last night that made me think about it in a different way.
The movie CRASH is:
a must see
thought provoking
about human nature
about judgements
about assumptions
about "first impressions"
about the good and evil in every human being
You never know.............about people, about when and where and how your lives will intertwine.

Those are all the things that I am thinking about as I continue to feel the movie in the hours since seeing it. And yet the first thing I said when the movie was over is........."ohhhh the soundtrack is going to be great".

So I looked up the soundtrack for CRASH on iTunes and most of it is by a New Age artist named Mark Isham. His name doesn't sound familiar although I LOVE new age music. And so I purchased it and I am listening to it right now. And while on iTunes and discovered that Mark Isham did the music for the movie A River Runs Through It, Life As A House, Blade, & Last Dance. Amazing.

And then I looked at the soundtrack for Mystic River and discovered that Clint Eastwood is the musical artist. And he did the soundtrack for Million Dollar Baby. Who knew?!

And then I looked up music by Robbie Robertson because Marya can't say enough good things about him on her blog. He's Native American. I think I found his name when looking up Native American musicians with my friend Teri last month. Teri was on her way to Seattle to hook up with a group of Native American musicians. While Teri was visiting me I read her parts of Marya's blog and told her that if we had time I would have introduced them because I think they'd "click", (not knowing, of course, that they could talk about this common musical interest). And all the while reading on Marya's blog about recent re-connection with a high school buddy, at the SAME time having a similiar re-connection with Teri.

The .......evidence........that we are all inter-connected keeps building and building...........not just because I live in a small town. The UNIVERSE seems to be a small place, doesn't it????

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

My not-so-little buddy

Mother's Day 2005
Originally uploaded by Heather's Shot.
Wayne is getting so big, isn't he?! He turned 8 years old on Sunday. We had a party at our house for 7 of his classmates and we survived! Boys Boys Boys.
I should write more about him to help remember all the little things that I'll forget someday. Motherhood is full of I shoulds............I should be more consistent, I should spend more time at his school, I should put him to bed earlier, I should limit his TV time, I should put more limits on him, I should cuss less, yell less, nag less, repeat myself less........
Motherhood is an amazing way to get to know yourself. All relationships with children, whether you're their parent, friend, family, honorary family, or next door neighbor, give you the opportunity to be so influential.
During my childhood I had many many adults that left an impression on my soul and will be apart of me forever. What a gift and isn't it great that this is true for every human being on the earth!