The Secret isn't really a secret

"The Secret" is a book and a DVD. A whole lot of people have probably heard about it or read it but I hadn't.

3 days ago someone asked me, "Have you heard about The Secret?". I hadn't.
2 days ago someone else brought me 2 DVD's; "What the Bleep Do We Know?" and "The Secret".
Today I was catching up on my TiVo'd Oprah's from last week and guess who she had on?? The teachers of The Secret.

3 times in 3 days. OK. I guess I'm ready to hear about it.

When I watched the DVD, I thought.....DUH?? Of course your thoughts, feelings, and actions create your reality. Hellloooooo? Who doesn't know that? That's NOT a secret.

When I watched Oprah today, I heard it another way. It's that old phrase........the secret to life or the KEY to life. On some level we all know what that is........for ourselves. Living it and believing it in and changing our negative thoughts and behaviors is a whole 'nother thing.

to be continued.................

downloading

So I pick up the TV Guide at the grocery store tonight 'cause there are just too many shows to keep track of and I feel like I'm missing something. I read that I can DOWNLOAD recent episodes of my favorite shows on iTunes. Yippee for me. I missed The Office and Grey's Anatomy last week 'cause of a stupid power surge that left my cable box turned off for days until I noticed it. (Ignoring my TV for days is the beauty of TiVo after all).

I go to iTunes. I find Grey's Anatomy. I must download the latest version of iTunes. OK. I can do that. Ohhhh.......it's gonna take 12 minutes. Uggh. Well, it's early.......I can still do that and have time at least part of the show. Only "download" turns into:
Download
Run
Accept
Shut down iTunes and retry
Restart computer
Login to iTunes
Accept

Um.......OK.......I think that was 20 or 30 minutes.

Find Grey's Anatomy again. Purchase for $1.99. Not a bad price.

Ohhhh.........look.....my iTunes menu has changed and I have all these movie and podcast possibilities.

Um.......wait........did that just say my Grey's Anatomy download has FOUR hours remaining. Well shit.............who knew. I guess I'm leaving my laptop running all night. Wait.......did it just change to FIVE hours remaining and it's 50 MB. OMG. How do I put my iTunes stuff on my external hard drive.

I probably coulda' watched it on youtube.com like I did Weeds. Sheeshhhh..........

Football..........and PMS......but football guys....

I have a GREAT football story. But first I gotta rant about PMS for a moment.

I have a new syndrome to announce! AMS. As opposed to PMS. Just when I thought it was safe................. it hit me BAM. WTF?

The PMS thing SHOULD have been happening last week when I went traveling with my not-my-boyfriend/man-friend/man-ho AND his two teenage kids AND my child-who-doesn't-like-to-travel. But ya' know what? I was "polite". I wore a smile. I kept my mouth clenched shut when I had nothing nice to say. (Good advice from my grandmother).

BTW, texting to your girlfriend about the lameness of boys, is a good way to avoid arguing with them in LA traffic.

So I'm thinking I simple PUT OFF the PMS. I tried to trick it but it had the last laugh.

And did you know that there is NO PMS unless you're around men??? It's true. I'm convinced the PMS is actually the irritation that MEN don't appreciate all the effort you go through to be civil during these lovely hormonal changes. I swear..........that's it!

OK. On to the football story (because that is one thing men do appreciate).........

So I went to my first pro football game last Sunday! AND I liked it!! The Chargers v the Chiefs. Yup. I was there.

LT ran 85 yards RIGHT TOWARDS me, to score yet another touchdown!!! I was sitting behind the goal, along the Chiefs sideline. Yup. Sure was.

I was the crazy nut in the sea of Chargers fans, with the #1 FAN finger thingy, bouncing up and down, and high-fiving every stranger sittin' around me!! Yup. That was me.

For those of you who don't watch football (like me a week ago), LT is short for

LaDainian Tomlinson, the Chargers running back who's breaking every kind of record.

I must also tell you that ONLY MY SON could make me a football fan. Many a man has tried.....and tried........and tried. My son's obsession/enthusiasm for football has done it for me. I sure didn't see that coming. Or the AMS.........

I'm listening to my iTunes and guess what song just came on? "You Could Be Happy" from Snow Patrol, that's what.

This week doesn't feel like it included the shortest day of the year.

It always seems like a good idea....at the time

Martinis are fun. I think.

The traditional Martini has always reminded me of b&w movies from the 50's, of cocktail parties when EVERYBODY smoked. But now we've got Martini bars where suddenly pomegranite is a commonly used word.

Last night, I attended a Holiday Party at a local Italian restaurant, which has such a Martini bar. It seemed like a good idea to follow up the party, by walking 20 ft. to the bar and begin ordering drinks that smoke. (At least the drinks get to smoke.)

It didn't seem like such a good idea after my 4th drink (two of which were the above Martinis).

I was tired before I even got there. I had bandaids on my chin (from moles removed, not from cutting myself shaving), and I just wanted to curl up at home........in my sweats & UGGs. Thus began the pleading with my party buddies to take me home. (I left my car at home so I could drink.............which also seemed like a good idea...........at the time). And ADD a neighbor of mine who I nicely invited to join our group, who became horribly drunk. Ugggghhhhhh.

Soooooo, today was spent doing nothing. Nothing productive. Nothing much of anything. Is it time for some more Ibuprophen?

Catching up

I just love this pic! This sweet little cowgirl was one of the 30 or so fabulous people I spent Labor Day with at The ranch. It was fun as expected and I did all those things I talked about doing in my last blog post!! And you know what??.............it took a week to recover. I went to bed early every night and took a few naps for good measure.

Of course, gettin' up early for school kicked my butt too.

I'm gettin' used to the school schedule and my munchkin has risen to the challenge of 4th grade. He's got a male teacher for the first time and the guy's into sports. He DIGS him. My little man is ALL about sports these days; watches Cold Pizza every damn morning. Cartoon's are long gone. My advice is not to bet him on any baseball or football game.

In addition to the school thing, my life has been busy with my kitchen remodel (which is of course turning into a house remodel). Hell must have froze over 'cause I am the least likely person to do a remodel. Pics on my flickr of course.

I also throw in some work now and again. And I'm still busy with my dad's estate stuff. He seems to be hangin' with me less frequently these days 'cause I think he's at his old work place; the business he ran for 40 yrs. "His" employee's think so too. I've had intense dreams the last two nights about my mother. Sept 12th marked the 29th year of her passing. In some ways, it seems like yesterday. Time is funny that way, huh?

In other news.......as previously blogged about, I regularly procrastinate some dreaded task with yet another dreaded task. I think I was avoiding the mess that is my kitchen, dining room, game room (previously known as the TOY room, and the site of the future office space), and living room, by cleaning my bedroom. It always seems like a good idea to clean. BUT then I start pulling out furniture to vacuum up those pesky dust bunnies (in this case they were large floppy ear'd rabbits). As I was doing this I had this nagging feeling that there was something about this task that was BAD. By the evening I was sniffling and sneezing. OH YEAH..........I remember now.............I get sick when I vacuum months of DUST build-up. I tried to fight it for a week and awoke this morning with an earache. And since I'm boarding a big 'ole cruise ship next weekend and didn't think congestion and earaches mixed well with sea sickness, I got me some antibiotics today. Oh yes I did.

Note to self: next time you find yourself digging behind furniture, first try one of those new allergy medicines!

weather report

I just spent 5 days in Dallas. It was ridiculously hot and humid but that's expected, huh? Why is it so hot and humid here? The humidity is currently 72% and will be 100% at 5am. WTF is with the humidity? The high today was 95 and inside my house was 90. I was dreaming of that A/C pumping like in TX. I went grocery shopping instead. Thank gawwwd for big 'ole chilly grocery stores.

Why, you ask, did I go to Dallas in July? Did I lose my mind? Well, maybe. I joined about 40,000 women for the annual Mary Kay Seminar. I'm guessing I've never been surrounded by so much estrogen in my life! The most interesting part of these seminars is hearing the women telling their stories. Most of them are rags to riches stories but what strikes me is the common thread that all women seem to share. Women struggle with the same multi-tasking life!

I had never been to TX and was looking forward to hearing the southern drawl. I ended up talking with so many women from all over the country, from Louisiana to Minnesota. So many accents. I said "totally" and "like" alot so they'd know I was from CA.

Good luck ya' all staying cool.

11 Days

Still grumpy. I may never be nice again. This is definitely the stupidiest time EVER to quit smoking. Gaining a few pounds. Working on a plan not to gain more than five. Chew chew chew. Graduated to the whole piece of gum. Starting to look forward to the "peppery" taste. Finished reading 7 Steps to a Smoke Free Life (again) and decided first reward should be a massage. It was awesome. Gonna' get back to gettin' them every month. As my massuer says "it's good to be the queen".
Other than being grumpy and avoiding the phone (a smoking trigger) and feeling sorry for myself, I'm looking forward to summer. 5 more weeks of school for the munchkin and then he'll have the first real summer of his life. No summer school; no camp. Thinking we'll take golf lessons and take trips and visit friends and ride bikes and find pools to swim in.
It's all about the light at the end of the tunnel.

5 days

5 days of not smoking. Getting very grumpy. Fantasizing about secret smoking. I hate secret smoking but it's starting to sound good. Chomp chomp chomp goes the nicotine gum. There is NEVER a good time to stop smoking. But when your son says "You have to quit smoking mommy. I don't want you to die", you have to quit. I promised him Apr 24 and then renogotiated 3 more days. Those were 3 glorious days.
So I've moved my after-hours blogging from the garage, previously known as the smoking lounge, to my bedroom. The one cool thing about the move is TV watching capabilities. Just finished watching Hogan Knows Best. Kinda like Ozzy but you can understand what he's saying. I watched like 20 hours straight of The Surreal Life this weekend. Who knew it was going to end with an episode of the cast coming to KSBY in SLO. I guess I should watch the news and I woulda known they were here. Missed a major party with Alexis Arguette going off on lame ass college boys at Mission Grill. Hopefully she knows we're not all that small minded in SLO.
I've been missing all kinds of good VH1/MTV/E! TV 'cause I've been watching my usual favs on TiVo in my living room. What's on your TiVo? I've been watching HUFF, Desperate Housewives (way funny this week), Grey's Anatomy, new fav Big Love, and of course always gotta watch Ellen.
Ohhh.................phone ringing. It's Sandy. She's giving me hugs over the phone and says I gotta go to bed. Good advice as always. Nighty night.

Springing-Forward SUCKS

Spring has always been my favorite time of year. Green hills and colorful flowers popping up everywhere. My camera calls to me, "take me out.........take pictures of all that color............please please please". I also love springtime sun. I can enjoy some direct sun for more than 15 minutes (with my daily spf 50-something), get a little color (okI actually just connect my freckles but it's color dammit), and get some good 'ole Vitamin D, and not get sunburned. The timer's gotta come out for the summer sun.

So it's a dirty trick when the spring solstice is followed by this stupid time change. Congrats to all of those you like it. When you leave work, it's still light. Yippeee for you. You better go out and take a bike ride or hike or whatever the heck you need light for at 7pm. I better see your joy and happiness over this late light thing!!

I, on the other hand, am miserable because I am a night owl. I struggle to get myself to bed before I turn into a pumpkin (or purn into a tumpkin), and this time change makes that HARDER!! And then there's the morning. I am dead asleep at 7:30am when my alarm begins that WTF-is-that noise. You can imagine how delighted I am that the rudeness-that-is-my-alarm will actually begin at 6:30am.

AND to add insult to injury, as you all know, my son is a night owl too. The dreaded part of my day is getting him to fall asleep. Tonight he flopped about in bed, a good fish-out-of-water imitation, until 11 instead of 10. Oh the joy of it all............

And for those of you who WISH you could sleep in, enjoy your next day off; maybe you'll sleep 'till 8.

OK. My rant is almost over. I must explain the night owl thing to you morning people. Just IMAGINE if the world starting work at 5am. Imagine that you normally sleep until 6am. Imagine the alarm going off at 3:30am so you can be at work at 5. EVERY WORK DAY. 3:30am. What do you feel like at that hour? Just imagine...........
And then just for kicks...........imagine trying to go bed at 8pm. Hurry hurry. Better be alseep by 8:30p if you want a decent nights sleep.

Guess I better go so I can ENJOY my 5 hrs of sleep tonight.

And if you only need 5 hrs of sleep..............I have nothing to say to you.

It's ALL about the hair

Thus begins the TAKE-OVER of my real hair.

It's ALL about the hair
Originally uploaded by Heather's Shot.

6 months of curly, thick, coarse, frizz growth. The bi-annual $400 chemical CHI straightening is not in my budget these days, so I am becoming reaquainted with my curly roots.

This $200 CHI flat iron is my SALVATION. There are no words to accurately describe the LOVE I feel for this product.

Back in the 90's when I managed to grow all my layers out (except my bangs of course, which is a whole 'nother topic), I had some cute little curls, which could only be seen when I pulled the top layer back in a pony tail. The top layer, which is the equivalent of two heads of hair, is the lovely stuff I call "the frizz" and would expand to fit this frame if I had let it.

So after all these years I have tamed this. My mother tried with a variety of not-so-cool do's. And I tried this. But in the end it was one hot, 175 degree, mother-f&*%ing, cuticle-sealing, negative ion tool that provided the CURE.

And not only am I grateful for the magical CHI flat iron (maybe I can be their spokesperson), but there are two laides I MUST THANK. First.......I'd like to thank the Academy...........oh no.......wrong speech. Seriously, I will be forever indebted to my dear friend Tawna who begged me for 3 yrs to grow it out after the cutting-it-all-off phase in 2000. The growing-out phase was NOT pretty but we all survived somehow. And THEN my sister, Vikki, had the nerve to ask me to JUST TRY the flat iron that she herself had used for years. It took some practice and lots of patience. And who knew hair grew so fast when it's straight!! I may eventually do the chemical thing again but in the meantime I can enjoy a curly kink or two 'cause I've got THE CURE.

update on comments and dooce

Originally uploaded by dooce.

I'm back to rant some more about comments. Dooce's post previously mentioned now has 1544 comments!!! AND the-one-and-only Heather A. has opened comments on other posts since then and has 100+ comments on each of those!!

Today's post is about farting and I posted the 191th comment. WHO knew so many people had farting-at-the-gym stories?? Comic relief is what it's all about here people!! Or is it TMTOUH (too much time on our hands)???

COMMENTS!!!

As of right now, there are OVER 600 comments on Dooce's post tonight!!!! Jesus H.C. !!

I can't even get a comment or two. I am sooooooo doing something wrong. OK, so I'm not Heather-frickin'-Armstrong, AND I don't make a living with my blog...........but still.

So I'm ASKING..........................what do I have to do to get a comment or 2??????

You can tell me. Really.

You're just too busy? Don't wanna be the only one posting a comment? My posts are lame? No one's actually reading it?

You have nothing to say about PEACE? Parenthood? Middle Aged Girls Gone Wild? Deep philosophical musings? Katharine Hepburn's claim that "plain women know more about love"? Lemon Festivals? Ski trips? And that was just February.

Aaaahhhhhh. OK. I feel better. Rant over.

Why

Why am I surprised when I get bitchy EVERY month about the same time? WHY after 27 years and 300+ periods would I be surprised? You'd think I'd be an expert at it. You'd think I'd have learned to be proactive; eat healthy, take extra meds, and warn those around me. Instead I hunt thru my cupboards for anything sweet (spoonfuls of brown sugar will do), I forget to take my meds, and I apologize to my loved one's AFTER a day or so of bitchin' at them like a phych inmate. WHY

After my last post discussing my crusty, bloody boogers, I feel LIBERATED. I've got an image of myself going thru the portal to John Malkovich's mind. Nothing is off limits; there is no way back. Boogers AND family issues AND periods. What a week my blog's endured. Perhaps "the other Heather" has rubbed off on me.

There is no way back. I will never be 40 again. Happy Birthday to me!

Vaseline up the nose & family issues

The vaseline and family issues aren't related (or at least I don't think they are) but they are two subjects on my mind tonight.

I just don't know if I can possibly shove ANY MORE vaseline up my nose??!! It is so damn DRY outside and yes.....I understand that it's winter. But for gawwwd's sake, I think I'm going to have to figure out a way to attach my big 'ole jar of vaseline to my body somehow. A necklace perhaps?
Let me stop to say *I apologize* to all those offended by my use of a petroleum product. (Sorry Nettie). I'm sure there is some fabulous organic, politically correct moisture-giving product but I've simply not found it. And until then, I will be using big globs of gooey vaseline to soften the crusty, bloody snot in my nose.
And yes.........I'm using a humidifier, and saline nose spray, and drinking lots of water.

On to family issues. This week I've talked to my dad (& his doctor), and both my sisters more times than I can count. (The cell phone bill is going to be scary; we're all in different cities). I love my family, but of course they're MY family so it's exhausting. And because Nov and Dec includes a lot of family time, it seems not-quite-right that we're still...........involved.
It just happens that my sister who lives in Mexico has come for a visit and that's great; she hasn't been here for years. But there are schedules to coordinate, train trips and driving schedules to figure out. (I have no idea how I ever had time for an 8-5 gig).
So the reason I'm talking to my dad's doctor is because he had a fainting spell while I was visiting him at Xmas. It was the 3rd one in10 yrs. He was sitting down when he passed out so it was a matter of keeping him in his chair and talking to 911 at the same time. I was of course totally freaked out and I MADE him go to the ER. He checked himself out against dr's orders and said he felt "great". But the ER docs had to report it to the DMV and his license was suspended as of today. He told me to just “shoot him” if he can’t get his license back.

Let me just say: my sisters and my dad and I are all HIGH-MAINTENANCE. We are opinionated, neurotic, self-centered little shits. 2 Capricorns, a Gemini, & a Scorpian. There are no Pisces here. AND I live with a Gemini and another Capricorn. I get no relief. Speaking of...........my nose is getting crusty again. I've gotta go find my vaseline.

Why We Love Bad Boys

I read this article in People Magazine (I swear I read it for the articles). It made me smile. Whether you're a bad boy or not, a good girl or not, I hope it makes you smile too.


WHY WE LOVE BAD BOYS
By Cindy Chupack (writer for Sex and the City)
A good man is not so hard to find. I’ve dated a bunch of them., They call when they say they’re going to call, they take you out on actual dates, they tell their friends and even their parents about you, they like their parents, they play their phone message in front of you, they have just one glass of wine with dinner because they’re driving, they have jobs, they have female friends they haven’t slept with…………..yeah, yeah, whatever. The point is, they’re not hard to find.
Bad boys are hard to find, because they’re never where they’re supposed to be. In fact, they’re not supposed to be anywhere. They do as they please. They go where the wind takes them. If you’re lucky, you might get a cell phone number, so you never know exactly what (or who) a bad boy is doing. It’s infuriating and insensitive and intriguing and insane and oh, how we love bad boys.
You know you’re dating a bad boy when you’re not sure you’re actually dating. Bad boys are usually one of two things: unavailable or undressed. This leaves you unable to think of anything but where the hell is he and when will he do that to me again?

Dating Advice (Installment #1)

My X-Husband gave me a great book for Xmas called Dating Sucks by Joanne Kimes. It's been a great read so far. The first page I flipped to had this advice:
"Hold off on dumping him..................
until he's installed dimmers for all your light switches and built you a nice set of shelves"

I know....I know, this particular advice was men bashing but it's funny dammit!

Coming Soon..........
Chapter 1 - Why Go Out When There's So Much Good Stuff on TV?

Just like a Root Canal

I "got" a Root Canal today. This is my third one in 15 yrs so I feel like a bit of an expert.

Unfortunately I couldn't ask for a full explanation since my mouth was wired open and saliva was pooled in my throat (you don't want to swallow when you've got drills and needles in your mouth).

The shot(s) are the painful part and then it's just uncomfortable. I got a big 'ole shot in the roof of my mouth and it shot up through my sinus's; now that STUNG. I was so damn numb it didn't wear off until 5 hrs later. The good news is that I was numb.

After the drilling and poking and prodding comes the cleaning out of the root canal. What a crazy procedure. It must have been invented by a very sick, angry person. Who in the hell would have thought to jab tiny, tiny saw-like needles up the nerve canal..........up and down and up and down???

For those you've not had a root canal, there may be some women (& some men) that have had this experience-------------snort cocaine and have the kind of sex where your head is pounding on the headboard and you know you won't be having the BIG O. The sound is the same too.

How to make me yell

Here's are some ways to make me yell LOUDLY (with eyes squeezed shut):

Talk to me while I'm watching my soaps.

Play on your skateboard in the living room while I'm watching TV.

Tell me you're NOT going to bed.

Maybe Tomorrow

I logged into iTunes and choose the soundtrack from the movie Crash. The first song is called Maybe Tomorrow. The chorus says:
Maybe Tomorrow
I'll find my way home

Very appropriate. There are amazingly positive things happening as a result of Katrina but it won't bring back the lives lost; the horrors experienced. Do we ALWAYS have to learn the hardway?!

One of the many scary things I've read lately are the Rants & Raves on SLO's Craigslist. There are actual human beings that say awful , stupid things about the victim's of Katrina. Can people really be that judgmental? I can totally understand why people were looting and shooting and crying and feeling sorry for themselves. But I can't understand why people think they can judge others.

The movie Crash should be required watching for every human being.