Uncle Stanton (and President Ford)

My uncle Stanton played football with President Ford in college in Michigan. When Ford passed away, my cousin dug out this old picture and passed it around.

I remember seeing it as a child and was somehow not impressed back then. Now it seems like another testament to an incredible life.

When my father ended up in the hospital last April, from a bad chest cold, Stanton was on the phone with us every day. When my father passed away, he didn't hesitate for a moment to get on a plane. I took that picture of him at the memorial services. He told us all his stories of little brother, "Albie" (my father's name is Albert).

My favorite story is how they hitchhiked from Chicago to LA to see the Olympics in 1934. They were 15 and 17. They were sleeping on park benches in Santa Barbara when I policeman offered to let them sleep in the jail. So they did! They loved sports and played every sport imaginable.

Uncle Stanton turned 91 in January. He lives in Chicago where he and my father were born and raised. He worked as an attorney until he was 85! His wife, whom he had 4 kids with, passed away maybe 20 years ago, and he just married his longtime girlfriend in 2005. When my dad asked him "WHY?", he said........"it was the right thing to do".

In 2004 when I made my father sell his business, I bought him an airline ticket to Chicago so he could visit his brother. He hadn't been back to Chicago for over 20 years. Stanton, on the other hand, had come to visit his sister and brother in Calif. quite a few times. He actually came by himself in 2003 and stopped at my house on his way from SB to SF (where my aunt lives). He looked at the scrapbook I had made for my dad and LOVED it. He wanted to go home and make one too.

Anyway..............my dad reluctantly went to visit him (he didn't take vacations.......too frivilous an activity), because I had bought the ticket and all...........and he had a great time. My dad said that Stan still went canoeing on Lake Michigan EVERY morning. He hoisted his canoe on top of his car............by himself.......and off he went for his morning row. I'm not sure if he's still doing that. I gotta call him and find out.

The Secret isn't really a secret

"The Secret" is a book and a DVD. A whole lot of people have probably heard about it or read it but I hadn't.

3 days ago someone asked me, "Have you heard about The Secret?". I hadn't.
2 days ago someone else brought me 2 DVD's; "What the Bleep Do We Know?" and "The Secret".
Today I was catching up on my TiVo'd Oprah's from last week and guess who she had on?? The teachers of The Secret.

3 times in 3 days. OK. I guess I'm ready to hear about it.

When I watched the DVD, I thought.....DUH?? Of course your thoughts, feelings, and actions create your reality. Hellloooooo? Who doesn't know that? That's NOT a secret.

When I watched Oprah today, I heard it another way. It's that old phrase........the secret to life or the KEY to life. On some level we all know what that is........for ourselves. Living it and believing it in and changing our negative thoughts and behaviors is a whole 'nother thing.

to be continued.................

true ramblings

So I haven't written much. I guess I haven't had a story to tell or a clever little conversation to repeat. I think I just have some ramblings.

Today's my last day of being 41. That's cool. I like B-days in general. It's a great excuse to eat icecream cake, and say, "hey......I'm older and wiser". So far I've liked celebrating getting older. Not sure when that'll change. Maybe when I'm 70. That might be a little scary or I may have aches and pains to complain about. But lets face it, the 30's-60's seem like the prime of life. A time when you "know better" but anything is still possible. Who knows......maybe 70 willl be a great age too. It's certainly "better than the alternative".

I just finished reading Nora Ephron's book, I Feel Bad About My Neck. She talks about the aging and "the alternative". She's a funny lady and very entertaining but the book was way too short. I know she has more to say; she spent an entire chapter on how much she hates purses, for gawd's sake.

Speaking of books..........I also read, Dancing Naked at the Edge of Dawn, by Kris Radish recently. I will definitely read more by this author. She has that wonderful conversational type of story telling with pages of run-on sentences. The first 1/2 of book is a bit exhausting with the character in a manic state; the sheer terror and excitement that happens when EVERYTHING in your life is changing. Took me right back to the early days of divorce. After an amazing journey of self-discovery, she has a REVERSE BRIDAL SHOWER, where her women friends give her gifts to symbolize her movement into this next phase of her life. A lovely ritual really.

MMmmm............what else.

I spent today partly working at my desk, partly watching exciting (I can't believe I'm using that word here) football games. Seahawks almost did it. Chargers almost did it. Patriots proved that "you can't touch that" Brady guy.

And then of course I had to make that trip to Home Depot; where I was seen crawling around on the concrete floor, opening boxes of tile, AND giving football updates to the Home Depot workers and customers, via cell phone with the munchkin. It was an interesting game for him 'cause the Patriots were his favorite before we saw the Chargers last month.

Tomorrow I'll probably be at Boomers, playing a little mini-golf and driving those scary little race cars, with a big 'ole group of kids. Not exactly my ideal b-day but as my sister who shares her b-day with Xmas, said.........."that's what happens when your b-day is on a holiday". That's OK. I like sharing my B-Day with Martin Luther King, Jr. It's my honor. Happy Birthday to me!

In an instant, everything changes

Why would a woman, with her young daughter in the car, be driving maybe 100 mph on a city street and cross over into on-coming traffic? Was she late for something? Was she having a seizure or heart attack? Was she rushing her child to the hospital? Was she intoxicated or drugged out?

I don't know. What I do know is that she spun out of control, rolling her red Kia into a power pole, which resulted in a 3 hour power outage for 4000 of us today.

At noon today, from the safety of our home, we heard a loud crash, about 2 minutes AFTER our power went out. I guess it took a few minutes for the splintered power pole to come crashing down to the ground. Within moments it seemed, there was one police siren after another, then a fire truck, then an ambulance, racing past out house towards Los Osos. Maybe it was an airplane that crashed; what else could have made such a loud crashing noise?

Having just gotten outa' bed (yes......it was noon), I thought first of coffee but realized, duh,...no power. The boys had been watching football so they headed off to their favorite pizza place (Woodstocks, of course), to continue their sunday activity. I wandered aimlessly around the house realizing their was nothing to do without power (except "file"........which is a stupid thing one of my X-bosses used to say when we lost power at work). So to avoid filing, I headed off to the scene of the accident.

I've never seen so many lookie-loo's at a car accident before. My goodness, my neighbors are nosy. We all stood gazing at an upturned red vehicle by the side of the road, with power lines strewn all over it. One little car. That's what caused this major power outage?

While most stood and watched PG&E at work, I went off in search of someone who knew something. I heard a guy on his cell saying something like, "I was right here man. Just now. An accident. I've never seen anything like it." When he got off the phone, I asked him what happened and this is what he said. "We were working and we heard this loud boom and we rushed over and helped take this baby out of the back seat and the woman was completely smushed in the front seat and her head was cracked open and it was horrible. I've never seen anything like it. And the kid was so scared and the ambulance took him". (KSBY says a little girl who suffered major injuries. The Tribune says it was a 21 month old boy who suffered moderate injuries).

Just like that. In an instant. A child is mother-less. A life is lost.

I ended up at Borders, drinking coffee, and watching the people. Everyone going about their business on a Sunday afternoon.

10 things I feel thankful for..........right now

Let's see if I can come up with 10 things that I truly feel thankful for..........at this moment in time (when I'm not feeling particularly thankful)

1. Chocolate ice cream
2. My love for pictures; taking them, making albums with them, telling a story with them
3. My smart, sweet, sleeping child and his ability to fight off a cold
4. My warm, cozy bed
5. Friends to laugh with
6. A job to go to tomorrow
7. A trip to SD next month to plan and look forward to
8. A houseful of boys that put up with my assumption that they can read my mind
9. A book to look forward to reading when I'm done here
10. A blog to write a list of things I'm thankful for............so I remember to be thankful

Ohhh nooo...........I have 11 things. I'm thankful that they're are only 2 more days of NaBloPoMo.

Things I haven't done and things I've learned......in Nov.

Since blogging EVERY day in November, I haven't:

*Stayed out past midnight (I have seriously left parties and run home to blog)
*IM'd with a friends (even though I can see them online and haven't talked to them in awhile) 'cause it's too close to midnight and I gotta get my blog post done
*Gone to flickr most every day and browsed through pics for hours
*Left my laptop at home while going on vacation

I learned:
*I enjoy a challenge
*I can pull blog post topics out of my ass............at the last moment............and be proud of my post
*That I am still impressed with Dooce's ability to post entertaining blogs almost every day
*I can completely forget about posting pics to flickr, or checking my myspace (which is only important because I miss keeping up with my teenage buddies)
*That I enjoy reading random blogs about people looking for fullfillment and hope in their daily struggles and crazy lives.

Free Hug Campaign

You've probably all heard about this by now but it seemed worthy of a blog post.

http://freehugscampaign.org/

You can watch the inspiring video on the website above or on youtube.com. I received the video via email months ago. Then I saw it on Oprah. Then I saw it on youtube.com. I can't see it enough.

Just a guy offering FREE HUGS. One man's way of making the world a better place.

(I tried posting the video directly from youtube but it hasn't posted yet and I'm going to bed and can't wait any longer)

daddy's tree

I sat today with the Live Oak tree planted in memory of my father. Some of his ashes are there. His running shoes are there. His pipe is there. It's been 7 months today.

I visited with my aunties this weekend. Visited and talked and listened and hugged and cried and laughed.

Family is exhausting that way.

Note to self: drink lots of water and sleep, not necessarily in that order.

Last year at this time

This pic is from last October. The costume my kid wore was some sort of Ninja. All previous years were superheroes, except for the first few years when I got away with Pooh and La-La.

Today my little man informed me today that all I need to buy for his costume this year is a baseball hat with so&so's name on it (I can't remember who but the name sounded familiar). The names of the current baseball and football "stars" all sound familiar to me now. I hear about them every day.

What a difference a year makes.

My son also informed me this week that none of his socks fit him. I gave him a pair of mine. They fit.

Last year at this time, I was working a zillion hours a week for a high-tech firm. This year I'm still pushing papers around a desk, but in my living room with an increasing wardrobe of sweats and slippers.

Last year at this time, I was spending hours on the phone with my dad, always trying to console and help and listen to him lament about the loss of his business (aka his life), and deal with the decision making and paperwork involved in the transition to the new owners. We were planning a vist for the last week of the year & he was excited. He was relieved to have "something to do" during a week when he couldn't go into work. He was actually excited. It was a good week.
I always had much to report to him on my daily struggles and victories.................as a woman, as a mom, as a friend. He called me more and listened more and had more to say...........than ever before. This year, at this time, I'm making the decisions and doing the paperwork involved in the end of his life, and feeling grateful for that job because it helps keep him close to me.

Last year at this time, I was happily single. I enjoyed and appreciated the simplicity. My life was full with friends and family. This year at this time, I'm attempting to navigate a relationship while hanging onto my peaceful world of simplicity.

What a difference a year makes.

saying goodbye

I watched the SUNSET for 60 minutes on my drive home from SB tonight. WOW.

Rewind a few hours before the sunset……………
Saying goodbye to the house
34 years of images, sounds, smells, & stillness
Time in each room
Absorbing the images
Listening to the laughter and the tears of past years
Each room echoes in emptiness
Full of memories

The STILLNESS
My childhood home, my sister’s home, my mother’s home, my father’s home
No where else is there such stillness

Giving back
The shells and rocks
To the earth
Swinging on the swing
The fog rolls in
Thick fog with salty ocean air

There are piles for donations
The dumpster’s full
The Uhaul’s traveling home
The car’s packed and waiting

Dad come with me now
The new owners have new memories to make
Dad come with me now
I need you still
I need you always
Hold my hand
We have new adventures ahead
Bring the stillness with you

Admiring the tree

We planted a Coastal Live Oak at my sister's ranch in honor of my dad at the memorial services we had last weekend. We buried a pair of his running shoes and his pipe with the tree.

A friend of my sister's was on her way to visit her this week, and told her my father's spirit came to her. She said he kept telling her she needed to stop and get a tree to take to the ranch. He told her to get a big tree that would be good for providing shade after a good run. She didn't know about the tree we planted or that he was a runner.

I wonder

I wonder, if I counted, how many times a day I make a "judgement" about the people I see and connect with that day. I wonder how often I make assumptions about people based on their appearance or their attitude, and then follow the assumption with an opinion about that person.

Standing in the line at the grocery store is good place to make judgements, isn't it? Some poor woman with a whining toddler gets my empathy every time. I'm suddenly talking with that toddler in an attempt to distract the child, if only for a minute, so that poor mother can get a moments peace.

I'm not just talking about negative judgements but ANY kind of opinion we form in our busy little minds. And isn't it amazing how our judgements change for people we've known for a long time, since we have so much more information to base our opinions on. For those people we have so many judgements; "oh........there she/he goes again..............making the same mistake". How easy is it to see other people's patterns and how obvious the solution seems?! "He/she should break up with so-and-so for gawwd's sake..............I'm over it already so why aren't they?"

Judgements are tricky because no one really knows what it's like to be in someone else's shoes. Even if we've had a similiar experience, we're NOT that other person.

The really cool thing about experiencing tough times is that you CAN gain empathy. My father called it "character building". And hopefully as you get more "character", you get more empathy. And while I have plently of judgements (and even let them slip out sometimes), I'm lucky because empathy comes naturally for me, and mostly I don't have to work too hard at accepting others. Why can't everyone be like that? I guess I don't have much empathy for people without empathy.

hands

hands
Originally uploaded by Heather's Shot.

These hands held mine.

My father's hands lived 88 years. They danced, they threw footballs and baseballs, they lifted weights, they canoed, they gardened, they drafted, they invented the wall saw, they married, they held three daughters and three grandsons, they held the newspaper every day, and turned page after page of the National Geographic every month, they cooked and did laundry, they drove, and they held mine.

My father's hands were always busy. Even when he sat still he would twiddle his thumbs.
In the hospital, I kept telling my dad he could rest. At one point he said "tired of resting". I laughed and then he laughed. So now I say, "move in peace".

Still Standing

Playhouse
Originally uploaded by Heather's Shot.

My playhouse is still standing (barely). It's 34 years old this year. Although my father is not standing right now, he too is fighting against time and nature.
My dad has been in critical condition at the hospital for 1 week. He got a cold which turned into pneumonia. At 88 years old, his body must fight hard. He quit smoking 30 yrs ago, works out at the gym 3 nights a week, runs (or shuffles) on the weekends now, works 5 days a week, and shops only at the health food store. He's quite the character. He can cuss up a storm and would not be surprised that I'm telling everyone he's a "stubborn shit". He sure does have a lot of people praying for him. His older brother and younger sister call every day.

Tonight he responded to the nurse when she told him to move his hands and his feet. The "good drugs" were turned off this morning. The plan for tomorrow is to get the ventillator out but they're just waiting for him to wake up enough. The ventillator and drugs have kept him quiet, but now we want him to wake up and start cussing.

He's got a line of us waiting for him to get better so we can slap him for not going to doctor earlier.

For a few more pic of my visit to his house last week, go here.

Me n my pops.

Moms

Mom's are with you, in your head, in your heart, and in your soul. No one knows you better. When you hug them it feels like *home*.
I have TWO moms. I'm lucky that way. This woman was my mom's best friend, her son was my best friend. When I was 12 and my mother passed away, she continued to be my mother's best friend.................by being my 2nd MOM. No hesitation. No second thought. We were 2 hrs from one another but that never stopped her. She has raised 3 children, a husband, a job; but that has never stopped her.
I spent most vacations at her home in Covina (NOT a popular vacation spot, but it was the best PLACE on earth.........'cause wherever she is, is HOME).
One of our favorite memories is when she surprised me at school on my 13th birthday (a 2 hr drive for her). She was THERE for me. I remember beaming with pride and thinking, "see everyone, I have a mom and I am LOVED".
The truly amazing part of this story is that she continues to be THERE for me, with her head, her heart, & her soul. I'm 41 and she has been there EVERY step of the way. Amazing is what that is!!

I have watched dad's (and a few moms) after divorce; not calling enough, not writing enough, not being there enough. They don't understand. Parenthood is being THERE whether it's on the phone or email or mail!! It's really that simple.

This is what PEACE looks like

This is what PEACE looks like
Originally uploaded by Heather's Shot.

I got this pic in an email a while back, WITH the title. I love to go back and look it every once and awhile.

Imagine there's no countries,
It isnt hard to do,
Nothing to kill or die for,
No religion too,
Imagine all the people
living life in peace...

Path

Little Hill 1
Originally uploaded by soniczen.

When the way comes to an end

CHANGE

and having changed

PASS THROUGH

author unknown

Scooby was loved by many

Sweet puppies
Originally uploaded by Heather's Shot.

Scooby had many friends

Grandma and the dogs
Originally uploaded by Heather's Shot.

Scooby wasn't always friendly to other dogs but she loved her family of dogs. She may have preferred to be a only child but since she wasn't, she grew to love her siblings and cousins. In spite of all her quirks, they loved her too.

In Memory of Scooby

There will never be another dog like Scooby. Never. Scooby had A LOT to say. Scooby passed away Dec 6th but her voice will be forever heard. She had a way of screaming like no other dog could rival but she had a silent voice that was very loud too.

"She taught me so many things", my nephew said to me. She taught us all. Amongst many important life lessons, she taught some of us to hide when we put our shoes on. he he. And never say anything that resembled W-A-L-K.

My nephew picked out Scooby at a shelter at Christmastime in '91 or '92. I remember the day I met her. I remember my nephew naming her Scooby Doobie Dingo Doogie. She was such a little thing and so darn cute.

Scooby had many, many adventures. (They'll be a book someday!). Sy Sy had to leave her behind with his mom many times as he grew and traveled but indeed he always came back for her. She amazed us all a year ago when she survived the plane trip to Hawaii and after a few tough days, she became more relaxed and at peace than ever before. Seems to me she was waiting for the day when he could bring her home.

It was Jan. of 2004 that I took her home with me. She was living at the ranch with my sister and brother-in-law. They loved her dearly but her propensity to herd the horses and the goats and "protect" them from other dogs made life very challenging. And then there was the screaming. So during a visit in '04 I justHAD to take her home with us. She went everywhere with me, including work. We W-A-L-K 'd every day and went to Petco for her favorite snack, which was in fact "greenies" not Scooby Snacks. She curled up in the smallest possible ball at the foot of my bed every night. She let my son taunt her with doggie toys and cover her with comforters and call her incessantly. (She understood the games of boys having been tortured....um I mean played with........ by my nephews.) I spoiled her and loved her and she was a great friend. But then there was the screaming. And so I, like others before me, took her back to the ranch. I lasted only six months but I will treasure every moment.