I wonder

I wonder, if I counted, how many times a day I make a "judgement" about the people I see and connect with that day. I wonder how often I make assumptions about people based on their appearance or their attitude, and then follow the assumption with an opinion about that person.

Standing in the line at the grocery store is good place to make judgements, isn't it? Some poor woman with a whining toddler gets my empathy every time. I'm suddenly talking with that toddler in an attempt to distract the child, if only for a minute, so that poor mother can get a moments peace.

I'm not just talking about negative judgements but ANY kind of opinion we form in our busy little minds. And isn't it amazing how our judgements change for people we've known for a long time, since we have so much more information to base our opinions on. For those people we have so many judgements; "oh........there she/he goes again..............making the same mistake". How easy is it to see other people's patterns and how obvious the solution seems?! "He/she should break up with so-and-so for gawwd's sake..............I'm over it already so why aren't they?"

Judgements are tricky because no one really knows what it's like to be in someone else's shoes. Even if we've had a similiar experience, we're NOT that other person.

The really cool thing about experiencing tough times is that you CAN gain empathy. My father called it "character building". And hopefully as you get more "character", you get more empathy. And while I have plently of judgements (and even let them slip out sometimes), I'm lucky because empathy comes naturally for me, and mostly I don't have to work too hard at accepting others. Why can't everyone be like that? I guess I don't have much empathy for people without empathy.

He said, I said

He said, "son, wanna come help me bring in the groceries?"

Son said, "not right now dad, I'm in the middle of a video game".

I said, "I guess I could get up and help you".

He said, "no...no......don't get up. It all works out. I go to the store, buy the groceries, carry them in, put them away, and cook them."

I said, "so I should get up?"

11 Days

Still grumpy. I may never be nice again. This is definitely the stupidiest time EVER to quit smoking. Gaining a few pounds. Working on a plan not to gain more than five. Chew chew chew. Graduated to the whole piece of gum. Starting to look forward to the "peppery" taste. Finished reading 7 Steps to a Smoke Free Life (again) and decided first reward should be a massage. It was awesome. Gonna' get back to gettin' them every month. As my massuer says "it's good to be the queen".
Other than being grumpy and avoiding the phone (a smoking trigger) and feeling sorry for myself, I'm looking forward to summer. 5 more weeks of school for the munchkin and then he'll have the first real summer of his life. No summer school; no camp. Thinking we'll take golf lessons and take trips and visit friends and ride bikes and find pools to swim in.
It's all about the light at the end of the tunnel.

5 days

5 days of not smoking. Getting very grumpy. Fantasizing about secret smoking. I hate secret smoking but it's starting to sound good. Chomp chomp chomp goes the nicotine gum. There is NEVER a good time to stop smoking. But when your son says "You have to quit smoking mommy. I don't want you to die", you have to quit. I promised him Apr 24 and then renogotiated 3 more days. Those were 3 glorious days.
So I've moved my after-hours blogging from the garage, previously known as the smoking lounge, to my bedroom. The one cool thing about the move is TV watching capabilities. Just finished watching Hogan Knows Best. Kinda like Ozzy but you can understand what he's saying. I watched like 20 hours straight of The Surreal Life this weekend. Who knew it was going to end with an episode of the cast coming to KSBY in SLO. I guess I should watch the news and I woulda known they were here. Missed a major party with Alexis Arguette going off on lame ass college boys at Mission Grill. Hopefully she knows we're not all that small minded in SLO.
I've been missing all kinds of good VH1/MTV/E! TV 'cause I've been watching my usual favs on TiVo in my living room. What's on your TiVo? I've been watching HUFF, Desperate Housewives (way funny this week), Grey's Anatomy, new fav Big Love, and of course always gotta watch Ellen.
Ohhh.................phone ringing. It's Sandy. She's giving me hugs over the phone and says I gotta go to bed. Good advice as always. Nighty night.

hands

hands
Originally uploaded by Heather's Shot.

These hands held mine.

My father's hands lived 88 years. They danced, they threw footballs and baseballs, they lifted weights, they canoed, they gardened, they drafted, they invented the wall saw, they married, they held three daughters and three grandsons, they held the newspaper every day, and turned page after page of the National Geographic every month, they cooked and did laundry, they drove, and they held mine.

My father's hands were always busy. Even when he sat still he would twiddle his thumbs.
In the hospital, I kept telling my dad he could rest. At one point he said "tired of resting". I laughed and then he laughed. So now I say, "move in peace".

Still Standing

Playhouse
Originally uploaded by Heather's Shot.

My playhouse is still standing (barely). It's 34 years old this year. Although my father is not standing right now, he too is fighting against time and nature.
My dad has been in critical condition at the hospital for 1 week. He got a cold which turned into pneumonia. At 88 years old, his body must fight hard. He quit smoking 30 yrs ago, works out at the gym 3 nights a week, runs (or shuffles) on the weekends now, works 5 days a week, and shops only at the health food store. He's quite the character. He can cuss up a storm and would not be surprised that I'm telling everyone he's a "stubborn shit". He sure does have a lot of people praying for him. His older brother and younger sister call every day.

Tonight he responded to the nurse when she told him to move his hands and his feet. The "good drugs" were turned off this morning. The plan for tomorrow is to get the ventillator out but they're just waiting for him to wake up enough. The ventillator and drugs have kept him quiet, but now we want him to wake up and start cussing.

He's got a line of us waiting for him to get better so we can slap him for not going to doctor earlier.

For a few more pic of my visit to his house last week, go here.

Me n my pops.

POM POMs

Originally uploaded by glamorama.

"Furballs of LUV". That's what their mom calls 'em. These POM POM's the cutest furballs I've ever seen. OMG.

Jane & Dick LUV their POM POM's.

Josephine (Jo Jo) is in front. She was an only child until last year when she graciously took Dragon into her *circle of LUV". At 11 yrs old, she's a wise woman in her prime. Dragon was left at the humane society after losing his previous master to old age, but has been given a second chance with his amazing new family. It's a sweet story dammit.

Springing-Forward SUCKS

Spring has always been my favorite time of year. Green hills and colorful flowers popping up everywhere. My camera calls to me, "take me out.........take pictures of all that color............please please please". I also love springtime sun. I can enjoy some direct sun for more than 15 minutes (with my daily spf 50-something), get a little color (okI actually just connect my freckles but it's color dammit), and get some good 'ole Vitamin D, and not get sunburned. The timer's gotta come out for the summer sun.

So it's a dirty trick when the spring solstice is followed by this stupid time change. Congrats to all of those you like it. When you leave work, it's still light. Yippeee for you. You better go out and take a bike ride or hike or whatever the heck you need light for at 7pm. I better see your joy and happiness over this late light thing!!

I, on the other hand, am miserable because I am a night owl. I struggle to get myself to bed before I turn into a pumpkin (or purn into a tumpkin), and this time change makes that HARDER!! And then there's the morning. I am dead asleep at 7:30am when my alarm begins that WTF-is-that noise. You can imagine how delighted I am that the rudeness-that-is-my-alarm will actually begin at 6:30am.

AND to add insult to injury, as you all know, my son is a night owl too. The dreaded part of my day is getting him to fall asleep. Tonight he flopped about in bed, a good fish-out-of-water imitation, until 11 instead of 10. Oh the joy of it all............

And for those of you who WISH you could sleep in, enjoy your next day off; maybe you'll sleep 'till 8.

OK. My rant is almost over. I must explain the night owl thing to you morning people. Just IMAGINE if the world starting work at 5am. Imagine that you normally sleep until 6am. Imagine the alarm going off at 3:30am so you can be at work at 5. EVERY WORK DAY. 3:30am. What do you feel like at that hour? Just imagine...........
And then just for kicks...........imagine trying to go bed at 8pm. Hurry hurry. Better be alseep by 8:30p if you want a decent nights sleep.

Guess I better go so I can ENJOY my 5 hrs of sleep tonight.

And if you only need 5 hrs of sleep..............I have nothing to say to you.

It's ALL about the hair

Thus begins the TAKE-OVER of my real hair.

It's ALL about the hair
Originally uploaded by Heather's Shot.

6 months of curly, thick, coarse, frizz growth. The bi-annual $400 chemical CHI straightening is not in my budget these days, so I am becoming reaquainted with my curly roots.

This $200 CHI flat iron is my SALVATION. There are no words to accurately describe the LOVE I feel for this product.

Back in the 90's when I managed to grow all my layers out (except my bangs of course, which is a whole 'nother topic), I had some cute little curls, which could only be seen when I pulled the top layer back in a pony tail. The top layer, which is the equivalent of two heads of hair, is the lovely stuff I call "the frizz" and would expand to fit this frame if I had let it.

So after all these years I have tamed this. My mother tried with a variety of not-so-cool do's. And I tried this. But in the end it was one hot, 175 degree, mother-f&*%ing, cuticle-sealing, negative ion tool that provided the CURE.

And not only am I grateful for the magical CHI flat iron (maybe I can be their spokesperson), but there are two laides I MUST THANK. First.......I'd like to thank the Academy...........oh no.......wrong speech. Seriously, I will be forever indebted to my dear friend Tawna who begged me for 3 yrs to grow it out after the cutting-it-all-off phase in 2000. The growing-out phase was NOT pretty but we all survived somehow. And THEN my sister, Vikki, had the nerve to ask me to JUST TRY the flat iron that she herself had used for years. It took some practice and lots of patience. And who knew hair grew so fast when it's straight!! I may eventually do the chemical thing again but in the meantime I can enjoy a curly kink or two 'cause I've got THE CURE.

Moms

Mom's are with you, in your head, in your heart, and in your soul. No one knows you better. When you hug them it feels like *home*.
I have TWO moms. I'm lucky that way. This woman was my mom's best friend, her son was my best friend. When I was 12 and my mother passed away, she continued to be my mother's best friend.................by being my 2nd MOM. No hesitation. No second thought. We were 2 hrs from one another but that never stopped her. She has raised 3 children, a husband, a job; but that has never stopped her.
I spent most vacations at her home in Covina (NOT a popular vacation spot, but it was the best PLACE on earth.........'cause wherever she is, is HOME).
One of our favorite memories is when she surprised me at school on my 13th birthday (a 2 hr drive for her). She was THERE for me. I remember beaming with pride and thinking, "see everyone, I have a mom and I am LOVED".
The truly amazing part of this story is that she continues to be THERE for me, with her head, her heart, & her soul. I'm 41 and she has been there EVERY step of the way. Amazing is what that is!!

I have watched dad's (and a few moms) after divorce; not calling enough, not writing enough, not being there enough. They don't understand. Parenthood is being THERE whether it's on the phone or email or mail!! It's really that simple.