"Doing the Unstuck"

First let's re-read my Nov. 30th post. My Horoscope for Dec 1 said: Listen to the song "Doing the Unstuck" by The Cure. Brezsny said listen to this song and maybe it will help you get out of the rut you're in.
Well I didn't listen to the song; and still haven't but I will. I actually didn't need the song because I had already set the subconscious wheels in motion. My heart and soul needed OUT of my job and THUS IT WAS SO. I was *let go* of my job. OH MY.

At first I was shocked and saddened and frightened. I'm a bit of a pro at this but still.............it feels like getting thrown out of a moving vehicle. Your traveling along, chatting with your carpool buddies, listening to some tunes.......................and then YOUR NOT. You've hit the pavement and it stings a bit. But as always I stood up and dusted myself off and patched up my scrapes and took a look around. There's a big 'ole beautiful world going on outside that vehicle.

The song says:
It's a perfect day for letting go

And so I did.

I know I have surprised people when I am so happy after a life-changing event, like losing my job or getting divorced. It's not something I WORK at..............really. Truth is I thrive on change. Considering new possibilities (trying them on for size) is liberating and fun. And let's face it; sitting around in my pj's and having hours and hours to myself is just plain FABULOUS. I've been employed since my son started school (he started Kindergarten 3 months after I started my most recent employment) ,so for the first time in 8 years, I've got this HUGE space of time while he's in school ALL TO MYSELF.

I get to sleep in tomorrow 'cause my baby's daddy can take our son to school. Yipeee. But getting up early the last few days as been fine too 'cause all I had to do was get him ready for school and throw on some sweats. I even ventured to the gym...........twice............in my sweats. LOVE THAT.

Warning: singing loudly or dancing without a beat

Warning: I may sing liberation songs very loudly and dance like I can't hear the beat.


Capricorn Horoscope for week of December 1, 2005
You might want to listen to "Doing the Unstuck," a song by The Cure. It could prod you to do what you know you should, which is expel yourself forcibly from the rut you're lodged in. "It's a perfect day for letting go/ for setting fire to bridges," the lyrics advise, "for rip-zipping and button-popping/ for dancing like you can't hear the beat." Maybe some of you are protesting, "But I want to use logic to think my way out of this jam." Here's what I have to say in response: You probably won't get unstuck with your rational mind alone, which is why you should do irrationally constructive things like singing liberation songs very loudly.

Ellen offered me a "leg up"

I'm still not sure how this happened but this weekend I found myself wandering my sister's ranch with my sister and Ellen and Portia (DeGeneres of course and there's only one Portia, right?).


They bought the ranch next door to my sister's this summer. They came over for a visit this weekend. My dad and son and I were the only one's there with my sis and her hubby and we had a very casual, low-key tour of the ranch. I had a major cold and a need-to-wash-my-hair look. But what the hell; I didn't take out my camera on purpose and certainly didn't want a picture of myself.

I have no idea what we talked about. I think we discussed the beautiful weather. Basically we followed my sister and Portia around while they talked about horses.

Then we met my sister's new horse, Bridget. I was quite taken with her. Ellen put out her hands so I could get on her but I didn't. Why? I dunno. It didn't seem like a good idea since we didn't have a halter or bridal. I did however ride her the next day............with a bridal and stirups and all that good stuff that enables you to stay ON a horse.

This horse is quite stunning! She's part Belgian Draft and part Persheron Draft; which means she's a big gal. And yet she's the most feminine horse I've ever met, with long red eyelashes and a fluffy blonde mane. Or maybe it's the way she seems to talk in a whisper.

Cinnamon Girl

I wanna live
with a cinnamon girl
I could be happy
the rest of my life
With a cinnamon girl.

A dreamer of pictures
I run in the night
You see us together,
chasing the moonlight,
My cinnamon girl.

Ten silver saxes,
a bass with a bow
The drummer relaxes
and waits between shows
For his cinnamon girl.

A dreamer of pictures
I run in the night
You see us together,
chasing the moonlight,
My cinnamon girl.

Pa sent me money now
I'm gonna make it somehow
I need another chance
You see your baby loves to dance
Yeah...yeah...yeah.

love

In the last 24 hours I've heard and read the saddest commentary on love relationships:

My friend called me today to tell me that her heart was broken by her lover. Another person close to me emailed me and said "I will not be his sex toy while he looks for a broodmare".

My first thought, RELATIONSHIPS SUCK. Does that comfort me knowing I'm single? Does it make me feel justified for being single? Unfortunately NO, it really doesn't. Am I cynical? YES, I must admit I am. (I MUST admit, I tell you).

Here's my summary of the love relationship (whether you wanted to hear my version or not).
Phase I----------the meeting, the sideways glances, the oh-he's-cute, the I-wonder-if-he-likes-me, the oh-i-think-he-likes-me tingle/thrill/ phase
Phase II ---------the friendship/hot s-e-x/getting-to-know-you phase
Phase III --------the comfortable, from I to WE, i-know-you-so-well phase
Phase IV--------inane conversations like this one on Dooce today or Dooce a few months ago
At this point, people either stay in some sort of Phase II - Phase IV pattern .......depending on the day. OR someone wants out and there is heartbreak.

And cynical or not, am I writing my personals ad for Craigslist? ABSOLUTELY.

Ummm...........no, that wasn't me

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NUMBERS

Loved the movie Prime.
Great performances by Meryl Streep, Uma Thurman, & yummy Bryan Greenberg.
__________________________________________________________

Movies seen this year: 87

Books read this year: 14

I've always wanted to keep track of this shit! I've never done it and it gives me a little thrill to have finally done it. Call me weird!

I actually created a SPREADSHEET with the Title, Author, & description for every book I've read this year. Call me a geek!

Mostly I read whatever Top 10 book that looks interesting and/or entertaining.
I read a little bit EVERY night before I go to sleep so I don't go thru them quickly, but I CAN'T go to sleep without my fix!!!

The movies have been more difficult to keep track of 'cause I forget quickly but Blockbuster Online helps me. My 2 X's (from 18-24 & 25-35 yrs old) have great memories for that kind of stuff and I totally relied on their memory as my own. Now I keep a spreadsheet!

The crazy thing is that the longer I crunch numbers for a living, the less I do it at home. I struggle to get my bills paid on time and I've totally given up on keeping my paperwork organized; I've got piles in every corner of my homestead.

Last 10 movies:
Corpse Bride
In Her Shoes
Assasination of Nixon
Everlasting Secret Family
After the Sunset
Spanglish
Coach Carter
Anchorman
Taxi
Prime

Last 5 books:
Kill & Tell
White Hot
Payback
Rainbow Boys
Otherwise Engaged

And let us not forget MUSIC...................
Songs on my iPod: 1099
Last 5 downloads:
Santana - All That I Am
Sheryl Crow - Wildflower
Talking Heads - More Songs About Buildings & Food
Alicia Keys - Unplugged
Chris Isaak - Always Got Tonight

Checking my pulse

"............................Ya' know those women that just can't sit still to watch TV", I said.

"I couldn't stand that; I need a woman who can watch a good movie all the way through", he said.

"Well we know that's not a problem for me", I said giggling.

"Hell no. You can sit still for so long, I have to check your pulse", he said.

Just like a Root Canal

I "got" a Root Canal today. This is my third one in 15 yrs so I feel like a bit of an expert.

Unfortunately I couldn't ask for a full explanation since my mouth was wired open and saliva was pooled in my throat (you don't want to swallow when you've got drills and needles in your mouth).

The shot(s) are the painful part and then it's just uncomfortable. I got a big 'ole shot in the roof of my mouth and it shot up through my sinus's; now that STUNG. I was so damn numb it didn't wear off until 5 hrs later. The good news is that I was numb.

After the drilling and poking and prodding comes the cleaning out of the root canal. What a crazy procedure. It must have been invented by a very sick, angry person. Who in the hell would have thought to jab tiny, tiny saw-like needles up the nerve canal..........up and down and up and down???

For those you've not had a root canal, there may be some women (& some men) that have had this experience-------------snort cocaine and have the kind of sex where your head is pounding on the headboard and you know you won't be having the BIG O. The sound is the same too.

Slowing down without falling off

This was me today...........at home.........on my couch.

My goal is to SLOW DOWN. Smell a few flowers.

I worked really hard today NOT to turn on my computer, or call friends and gab for hours.

As I struggled today with the "how to" slow-down dilemna, I had an image of a bicyclist stopped at a red light, doing that thing where they keep their balance, without putting a foot down. It's that balance thing!

What a great metaphor for life. It's so much easier to ride fast. Ya' don't have to "balance" yourself.